Monday, December 28, 2009


My sister thinks I gave her diarrhea for Christmas!
It was Christmas morning.
Her husband was working . . .
And so she came over my apartment for Christmas brunch.
I served kielbasa, scrambled eggs and was going to make potato latkes, but it looked like bugs bits were in the box, (yes, I use a box mix) so I made blueberry pancakes instead.
And I almost called and cancelled the brunch because I had hurled just a few hours before.
My stomach still felt a bit "funny."
After brunch, we went to the movies and saw, It’s Complicated
 (Which, by the way, is a fantastic movie! Laughed my butt off)
Then we both went our separate ways into Christmas day.
Saturday, I went over to her house to see my nieces an nephew.
“I got sick last night,” my sister said. “I think I got what you had the other night.,
 “But I had heartburn from hell. You can’t catch heartburn.”
“Well something gave me diarrhea.”
“So you think it was something you ate?”
“Yeah. Cause I’m fine now.”
“And you think it was something from brunch?”
“Had to be the kielbasa,” my sister said.
“Did you get it at the Polish deli?”
“No. The Italian deli.”
“That’s why. It tasted funny.”
““But I ate the kielbasa,” I answered in defense of the sausage.
“But just a bite. And then you spit it out. Why?”
“Because I got a hunk of fat.”
“Why didn’t you eat  more?”
“My stomach was still sensitive from hurling hot lava puke just hours ago.”
“I never heard of throwing up from heartburn.”
“It's happened to me a few times in the last few months.”
“Well, something gave me diarrhea.”
See what I mean?
She thinks I gave her diarrhea!
Does she think I purposely gave her tainted kielbasa?
That I knew it was tainted and let her eat it?
And I duped her by eating just a bit and spitting it out?
Or does she think I “put” something in the kielbasa?
And then ate just a bite and spit it out.
I wouldn’t do that.
But I guess my laughing like a hyena didn’t make my case look strong.
And the more she told me how her stomach boiled and rumbled . . .
The harder I laughed.
Anyway, I know my sister knows I wouldn’t do such an awful thing.
I’m just not sure why I know why I thought her crapping her brains out was so damn funny.
Anyway, when I got home I was hungry.
I went to the refrigerator and spotted the leftover kielbasa.
I just hate to waste food and so I . . .
Oh, no!
My stomach started rumbling . . .
It felt like something was boiling in it and . . .
Oh, dear God, this definitely was not funny!
And . . .
Oh no!
Just gas!
Anyway . . .
I threw it out.
Because if it's one thing I've learned in life is . . .
Never dare the fates!

Always, Em-Musing

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