Monday, January 31, 2011

SHAKE YOUR TAIL FEATHER

Pardon me, ma’am,”
The man in the restaurant said as I walked by his table.
“But you have a feather sticking out of your butt.”
Startled by his remark, I scurried to the restroom…
Away from this crazy man.
Was he just out of the nuthouse?
Or a wannabe comedian looking for a punch line?
Or perhaps just a mean-spirited bastard?
I darted inside the restroom…
Brooding over his crude remark.
I mean…how could a feather…
And why would a feather
Lord!
There really was a feather coming out of my butt!
Or more specifically…
A feather was stuck in the fibers of my black velour pants…
And sticking straight out as if I had a tail.
And of course this feather wasn’t the tiny wispy kind…
Oh no…
This feather was so long…
I could have used it as a quill to write with.
Where on earth could this feather have come fro
Ah, HAH!
My down coat!
My down coat that I washed recently.
My down coat that ever since I washed it
Has been molting like a duck in spring.
And then it dawned on me…
That this wasn't just about a feather sticking out of my butt…
Oh, no...
This was payback time from the universe…
Because last week in one of my blog posts…
I had joked about the universe and my black velour pants.
Oh, uh huh. I get it now…
This is another secret about the universe…
It has a warped sense of humor.


Always, Em-Musing

Friday, January 28, 2011

MIND, YOUR REFLECTION

 A pop-up just popped up on my screen
Microsoft Security Essentials has a new version of ---
You should upgrade now to protect your computer.
I like how this happens automatically
Without me having to think about it.
And that got me to thinking…
Wouldn’t it be great if your body could do the same?
A thought would POP inside your mind…
Warning:
You are low on calcium, drink more milk or take a supplement.
You need more sleep. Turn computer off now and go to bed.
You brain is running out of memory. Take come CoQ 10.
You need more vitamin D. Get your lazy butt outside.
And speaking of your butt…
It’s getting flabby and wide…
Exactly how wide do you want it to get before…
OK, on second thought…
This was a silly idea…
I don’t need a pop-up to tell me how bad I look…
That’s what husbands do. And that’s why I got rid of mine.
(Kidding! Just kidding! There were other weighty issues involved)
Unfortunately, I’m still made to feel bad everyday…
Because when I get dressed…
I’m always greeted with, “Good morning, fatty.”
By my mirror!
And you can’t turn off, take a pill or get rid of…
Your own reflection.
Do you have any bad mirrors? 
Or other?

Always Em-Musing

Thursday, January 27, 2011

COSMIC LAW OF ATTRACTION

I’ve discovered another secret to the universe!
Or…
At least a universe that applies to me…
And my clothes…
Specifically…
My two pair of black velour pants…
That I always wear because…
1) black goes with everything and…
2) They’re warm.
(I refuse to wear jeans when the temps are below 40ยบ)
And what I've observed happening is…
Two cosmic laws colliding together:
1) If black is the absence of light and…
2) The universe always tries to fill a void (absence of something)
Then in this case…
My black velour pants...
Are considered a void by the universe’s standard…
And therefore all lint, cat hair…
And every possible white or light particle…
That’s floating in air for a three block radius…
Will and does…
Eventually fall on them to fill…
Or in this case to cover them.
(and always after I use that sticky lint remover on them)
And there you have it...
That’s how the universe works
In my end of it.

Always, Em-Musing

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

BLAH BLAH BLOG

The topic of blogging…
Has been cropping up in other writer’s blogs…
And in discussions with my writing buddies.
Do unpublished authors need to blog?
Does blogging take away from working on your W.I.P.?
What if you don’t have many followers?
Will that taint an agent’s opinion of you?
And always there’s…
Why do you blog?
Me?
I blog because I love writing…
What I blog about is never fodder for my W.I.P.
So if I don’t blog…
These thoughts would just bounce around in my head…
Like a ball in a lottery hopper…
Until I found someone to listen to me talk about them…
“Uh, huh, mom, *yawn* that’s nice…oh, I mean, that’s funny.” *yawn*
Once these thoughts are out of my head, my mind is calm.
But what I’m noticing when I social network with other writers…
Is that their blogs are way cooler than mine.
They do contests, their page is attractive with lots of pictures…
They have guest bloggers, and do book reviews.
My blog is, well… rather boring. *sigh* I know.
So for now…
If I’m asked—does blogging take time away from my W.I.P…
My answer is no…
But redesigning will.
So for now…
All I have to offer on my simple-looking blog…
Are my daily posts on life and the writing life...
With a twist of (or twisted) humor.
And that's enough for me.
Hope it's enough for you.

Always, Em-Musing

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

E=Me²

Well, as promised...
Here is the book I've been reading.
 The Healing Code by Dr. Alex Loyd, Dr. Ben Johnsn, Diane Eble editor
What I find exciting about the concept of this book is...
That it's about energy...
And how we can redirect our own misaligned energy...
Thereby healing the source of any issue that hinders...
Our health...
Personal relationships...
And success.
I know...
Sounds too good to be true.
But after reading many...
Self-help books...
Self-esteem books...
Self-awareness books...
Self-improvement books...
Yada, yada, yada...
All I'm saying is that the technique and proven science...
In THE HEALING CODE does it all.
Plus you'll see how pharmaceutical companies...
Manipulate our health system because they profit from sickness...
And because of that...
Our health system is geared to just treat diseases...
Rather than eliminating the cause of it.
Has anyone else heard of or read this book?
If so...
What are your thoughts?


Always, Em-Musing

Monday, January 24, 2011

CELL ESSENCE

Ever read a book…
(well of course you have)
That changed your life?
I’m reading one now…
It’s non-fiction…
Specifically on spiritual healing…
And while I’ve read many…
That are fascinating…
Enlightening…
Memory stretching…
And make me go…
Hmm?
Yup!
Oh! So that’s why!
This one is affecting me…
At a cellular level.
Therefore…
I don’t want to spend any more time here now…
(lest I mess with my cells too much).
I want to finish this book today, this morning if possible.
And I would have stayed up last night to finish it…
But my brain doesn’t function that way…
When I’m sleepy, I sleep.
When I’m in bed, I…
Well, it’s just minutes before I nod off.
Unlike an agent’s tweet this morning…
That said she stayed up till 3:40 reading, eyes burning…
(wonder what book/manuscript enthralled her).
The book that I’m reading now has already changed me…
And tomorrow…
I’ll share the title with you.
Oh, and here's a question for you…
In the front of the book it states:
No part of this publication may be reproduced
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form
by any means–electronic, mechanical, digital photocopy, 
recording, or any other without the prior permission of the author.
So?
Does this mean I can’t take a photo of the cover…
And show it on my blog?
What do you think? I’d like to share it tomorrow. 

Always, Em-Musing

Friday, January 21, 2011

BOPPING THE NIGHT AWAY

I’m a sound sleeper…
I always sleep straight through till morning.
But this morning…
I woke up at 2:03 raring to go.
I had only been asleep for two hours…
And had a great idea for my W.I.P bopping in my brain.
I just knew if I went back to sleep…
I’d lose the idea.
But if I got up and wrote…
I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.
And because of the stresses I’ve been under recently…
Sleep is the best way for my body to handle it.
I thought that perhaps…
I should at least get up and write just the idea down…
But I didn’t even want to do that…
So I told myself, “Do not forget this idea.”
Then went back to sleep.
Woke up again, raring to go…
It was 2:06.
The idea was still bopping…
Still though, I didn’t want to get up.
“Do not forget this idea,” I mumbled again…
I then slipped back to sleep.
Woke up again at 4:15
And this time I figured …
I had had enough sleep…
And got up…
And besides, I couldn’t have stayed in bed if wanted to…
My cat was using my head like an obstacle course.
And thank heavens…
I DID remember the idea!
But because of the interrupted sleep…
My body feels sluggish, and my brain foggy.
So now I wonder if getting up and writing…
Would have been better...
Than the fitful night’s sleep that I did get.
Do you ever wake up with ideas?
What do you do?
Or where or when is the craziest place or time…
That you got an idea…
That kept bopping in your head?

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I’ve decided to put that proverbial pad by my bed—just in case.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

PULLED ASSURE

In yesterday’s post…
I wrote about having the strength to “hang in there”…
When someone throws you a lifeline…
Literally.
But after I published the blog post…
I got to thinking about lifelines…
Regarding my pursuit to get published…
And the emotions I experience when…
I get a rejection letter from an agent…
A controversial critique…
Or am just plain frustrated and impatient.
I then realized who's always there...
Throwing me a lifeline…
Yanking me back into reality…
With encouragement, honesty, and suggestions…
And it's my friends and fellow writers in 
MVRWA.
And so…
Do you ever need a lifeline?
Who is it that rescues you?

Always, Em-Musing

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

JUST HANGING

 “You have to hang by your arms for at least 30 seconds.”
“But why?” I asked my daughter as I dangled from the door frame.
“To build strength”.
“In my armpits? That’s where I feel a burning.”
“No, your upper body.”
“And who says to do this?”
“My strength trainer.”
“And when will I ever need to hang like this?
“Mom, just do it.”
Just then I remembered a recent news story–
Brazilian woman saved from ravaging mudslides
When neighbors throw her a lifeline.
OMG! She hung from that lifeline for many, many minutes…
Before her neighbors yanked her up on their roof to safety.
Well, I don’t live in or near Brazil
Or any mudslide area (unless we’re talking drinks)…
But then…
With all the crazy things happening in the world…
And if the apocalypse actually happens…
Could there…
Would there…
Ever be a reason…
Why I would need upper body strength?
To hang?
For a lifeline?
And aw…
If the apocalypse does happen…
I sure do hope I’m published by then, I mean–.
“Earth to mom, snap out of it.”
“Huh?”
“Your mind. It went wandering again.”
“Oh, ha…yeah, guess I was just, uh–
“Mom!”
“Yeah?”
“Just do it!”
And with that encouragement…
I’m just doing it today…
And sending off some queries.

Always, Em-Musing

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

POST CUT

Of course after I posted...
On Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette...
I came across the American Society of Authors and Writers website:

Take a look...


Always, Em-Musing


CUT!

I thought today’s post would be an easy ‘cut and paste’ project…
Consisting of Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette’s…
Quotes on writing and cats.
But four hours have passed…
And I’m still researching her and her life.
There’s so much I’d like to put here…
But not enough space.
I will give you though, some of my favorite quotes of hers…
And a bit of info on her.
She was quite a woman…
Quite a prolific writer…
A lover of cats…
And (ha, ha), fearful of spiders.

Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette, known simply as Colette, is one of France’s most famous female writers. At age 20 and ill-prepared for both married life and the Paris scene, Colette married the writer and critic Henri Gauthier-Villars (“Willy”), 15 years her senior. He introduced her to the world of Parisian salons and the demimonde, and, not long after their marriage, he discovered her talent for writing. Locking her in a room to encourage her to focus on the task at hand, Willy forced her to write— but published as his own work— the four “Claudine” novels.

“Sit down and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it.”
 
“Writing only leads to more writing.” 

"The writer ho loses his self-doubt, who gives way as grows old to a sudden euphoria, to prolixity, should stop writing immediately" the time has come for him to lay aside his pen." "Give me a dozen such heartbreaks, if that would help me lose a few pounds."

"My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her."

“I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time.

There are no ordinary cats”

“January, month of empty pockets! let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead.” 

“By associating with the cat one only risks becoming richer.

“A pretty little collection of weaknesses and a terror of spiders are our indispensable stock-in-trade with the men.” 

“I am indebted to the species of the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for great control over myself, for characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time.

“What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.” 

She died in 1954 in Paris and given a full state funeral. Many thousands attended.

Always, Em-Musing

Disclaimer: I am not the author of what's written in italics. 

Monday, January 17, 2011

BLESS HER FLEA PICKIN' HEART

It’s funny to me how the universe can bring a concept…
Full circle.
Saturday, I was in my living room…
Reading the February issue of Writer’s Digest
When my cat took an all too familiar stance…
Staring at something on the floor, statue still…
But ready to pounce.
Lord!
A spider?
OMG! YES!
I jumped up and ran into the kitchen for a paper towel…
Ran back in and–
Ha HA! Got you, you little sucker!
Hmm?
I haven’t seen one since the fall.
I then remembered what an exterminator once told me,
“The only reason you have spiders in your house,
is because you have a food source.”
Hmm? Food source?
OMG! The fleas!  Of course. All the fleas in my carpeting.
After vacuuming for the umpteenth time…
I took my Writer’s Digest up into my office to read it.
And you’re not going to believe the coincidence I found…
There’s an article called “Amusing Muses”…
Though the coincidence is not because my blog name is Em-Musing
But rather because of an info tidbit in that article…
That tells of famous authors and their writing habits.
“T.S. Elliot preferred writing when he had a head cold”…
“Voltaire used his lover’s back as a writing desk”…
And…
“Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette first picked fleas from her cat, then wrote.”
Up until last week, I hadn’t ever experienced fleas…
And now I’m reading about a famous author who used fleas to inspire her.
See what I mean?
If my cat hadn’t had fleas…
The fact that Sidonie-Gabrielle Collete picked fleas…
Wouldn't have resonated with me
And I wouldn’t have Googled her and found out that she wrote Gigi…
And around 50 more novels…
And found her amazing quotes on writing and cats.
And so…
To complete the circle even more...
In tomorrow’s post…
I’ll share some of Sidonie-Gabrielle Collete's quotes with you.
I love how the universe works.
Don’t you?

Always, Em-Musing

Friday, January 14, 2011

FLEATING MOMENTS

There were three dead bodies in bed…
And who knows how many more…
Decomposing in the hallway.
A few lines from a W.I.P.?
No…
A few fleas from W.T.H.…
(What The Hell!)
“Sweetie has fleas,” the vet said to me yesterday.
“Fleas? It’s winter,” I said, shocked.
“Do you have any other animals?”
“No, just Sweetie.”
Oh, don’t give me that ‘bad, bad owner' look.
“Is she an outside cat?”
“No…well, yes, but there’s only a cement patio out back.”
Her eyes squinted. Doubting me?
“I’ll put Frontline on her now, but there’re probably fleas in your carpeting.”
“Will I have to bomb my apartment?” I asked.
Noooooo! I don’t want to evacuate!
“No, The fleas on her now will be dead in 12 hours.”
“Phew.”
“”But it will take 3 weeks for all the generations of fleas to die.”
“Oh?”
“The new ones won’t be able to stay on her.”
“Will they hop on me? She sleeps in my bed.”
I broke out itching everywhere.
“No, you’re thinking of lice and crabs. A flea’s host is furry animals.”
“Phew.”
However, that could describe my unshaved legs at times.
“Just keep vacuuming.”
She meant that there’ll be dead flea bodies…
In my carpeting for 3 weeks.
Eeuuww!
Now I want to evacuate my apartment…
The only good news about W.T.H…
Is that my bedroom and office…
Have hardwood flooring…
Which means I won’t want to be downstairs
In my carpeted living room…
Doing butt time on the couch in front of the TV…
Surrounded by fleas...
But rather…
I’ll spend all my waking hours…
Upstairs in my office…
Doing butt time
Working on my W.I.P.

Always, Em-Musing

Thursday, January 13, 2011

THE 12 WAYS OF WINTER

As if you didn’t know…
Winter is officially here…
And while many romanticize how beautiful everything is covered in snow…
Winter can be brutal, treacherous, and just downright…
COLD!
And because I walk in the park everyday now…
(Because really, if I could walk in NYC during  their worst storm in 60 years
I have no excuse, right?)
I’m often hampered and hammered by adverse weather conditions…
So, here’s my tribute to…
Old Man Friggin’ Winter.

   On the first day of winter
   The Old Man gave to me
– A lake effect snow warning
   On the second day of winter
   The Old Man Winter gave to me
– A wind chill advisory
   On the third day of winter the old man gave to me
– A blizzard storm warning
   On the fourth day of winter the old man gave to me
Freezing rain and sleet
   On the fifth day of winter the old man gave to me
Ten inches of snow
With thunder and lightning
Blowing and drifting
Slipping on sidewalks
Skidding on black ice
Ten frozen toes
Freezing my ass off
– And a non-stop dripping nose 

OK, so I'm not the best lyricist...
But if you've experienced a bad winter...
Maybe you can relate?



Always, Em-Musing

P.S. Yeah, yeah I know, winter is tolerable sitting inside by a fire drinking something. Or if you’re into winter sports or a kid.