Monday, December 5, 2011

LAW-LESS

We all know...
The law of expansion and contraction
Works with solid surfaces like metal and asphalt…
But skin?
Because of my recent country hopping…
I experienced not just different temps…
And different humidities…
But my face doing things…
Nature didn’t intend.
It’s not supposed to puff up like an adder one day…
And then shrink like shriveled snake skin the next.
And now that I’m back in Ohio with its cold weather…
My furnace is constantly belching out dry heat…
And consequently…
I, and my face weren’t prepared for this next development:
“Mom? Why do you look weird?”
“What do you mean?”
“Were you crying?”
“No, why?”
“Your eyes look smaller.”
I ran to the mirror. Dear God! They did!
Can furnace heat shrink eyeballs?
Blow up cheeks?
And produce water-filled bags under my eyes?
Later, when I got on my computer…
I Googled my conditions and—Dear God! I’m doomed!
There’s no cream to unshrink eyeballs..
No vitamin or supplement to correct blown up cheeks!
OK, there are some creams to debloat the bags under my eyes…
But come on!
Ok, fine then…
If this is how it’s going to be…
I’m going to develop a bubble…
That I can fit into…
To cart my ass around in when I travel…
So I and my face won’t be subjected to…
The law of expansion and contraction.
However, I’m still going to have to figure out…
How to get rid of…
The six pounds of traveling fat that follow me around.
So?
Am I the only one who suffers when they travel?

Always, Em-Musing
P.S. Yeah, yeah I know, humidities, unshrink, and debloate
         are not real words.

6 comments:

Sarah said...

I don't care if they're not words. I think you're brilliant! This made me laugh out loud (a very mournful, sympathetic laugh, of course). I hope your face reaches a happy equilibrium soon.

Jessica Bell said...

LOL. Yeah, I suffer when I travel :( I have to deal with constant headaches and swollen feet ...

Isis Rushdan said...

I don't travel well, at all, especially long distances. I just moved acrossed the Atlantic last week and believe me it has taken its toll on my face and waist, lol. I do find traveling without makeup, with rosewater for moisturizer, and in glasses helps a great deal. Also, I try to be more conscious of what I consume.

Lydia Kang said...

The shrinking, the bloating, the shrinking. Oh, the humanity!

Joanne said...

I'm not too much of a traveler, so I'll have to take your word on all this!

farawayeyes said...

Ah,the downside to travel. Been there,done that. Consider the upside. Another adventure!