Monday, June 25, 2012

A RAISIN IN THE PUN

When I finally get an agent and a publishing deal…
I’m going to hire a salesman to pitch my novel.
Why?
Because the genre and age of the readers of my book…
Might be a tough sell, or so an agent might think.
So, on my hunt for a salesman…
I’ll be specifically looking for a RAISIN salesman.
Don’t laugh.
And don’t think of the soft, plump juicy kind of raisins…
I’m talking about the kind of raisin...
That could be used as ammunition.
(here’s the backstory)
Dentist: What’d you break your tooth on, Leigh?
Me:   A raisin.
Dentist: Looks at me like I just fell off a grape harvester…
Me:  The kind of raisins in granola, I add.
Dentist:  Still looking at me strangely.
Me:  Ha, ha…just kidding.
But I wasn’t. And I’m still not.
Is it me? Or does every brand of granola…
Put the hardest, driest, no-tastingess raisins…
Into their product?
I can see it now…
A raisin factory has TONS of hard raisins…
That didn’t make the cut into breads and muffins…
The factory boss then goes to his sales team…
“Any ideas how to sell hard-as-pellet raisins?”
“No problem, says the sales team, we’ll find a way.”
An obviously they did and still do.
Because even here in Mexico…
The granola has those same pellet raisins.
Which makes me wonder…
What exactly was the salesmen’s ‘raisin’ pitch?
But more importantly…
How might the salesman…
Pitch my humorous women’s fiction novel?
Old dried up prune finds love…
Wrapped up with a younger granola bar.

Always, Em-Musing

16 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I believe it was a raisin, Leigh. Granola is one of the hardest foods on the planet.

Jennifer Shirk said...

That's hilarious. There is a comic Brian Regan who does a great bit on the cranberry and how that salesman must be getting a great commission because cranberries are getting into all the other juices: cran/raspberry, cran/apple, cran/grape, etc.. LOL!!

Stephen Tremp said...

Personally, I hate raisins. So why mot blame them. Makes sense to me. I think they're evil grapes gone bad.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Raisins are what bad little grapes become when they die. Ugh! Stephen is right, Roland

A Beer for the Shower said...

And don't forget raisin cookies. Somehow, people can manage to sell raisins to cookie makers in place to chocolate. Explain that.

farawayeyes said...

Hey that pitch got me...
Old dried up prune finds love..wrapped up with a younger granola bar.

I'll pay money to read that.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

I detest hard as pellet raisins. I know exactly what you are talking about. Great observation.

DL Hammons said...

I think the granola bars you speak of are actually piece of sliced up dried fruit cake!! :)

Crazy Mama said...

Wow, I broke 2 on 2 cheeseburgers. WTF? I tagged you woman, visit me.

Melissa Sugar said...

Hilarious. Raisins are supposed to be the shriveled up old dried out grapes who couldn't find agents. I think you must be talking about those super hard granola bbars that feel like bricks.

Talli Roland said...

I'm with Stephen and Roland. Down with raisins!

Misha Gericke said...

Hahahaha I know exactly what you mean. :-D

I'm sure there will be an agent out there waiting for your story.

donnamariecarey said...

Are you sure they are raisins? hahaha

Ciara said...

LOL, love the prune finds love. Only a writer could come up with that. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

e7qsi [url=http://www.beatsheadphonesforsales.com]beats headphone[/url] ukqyvv http://www.beatsheadphonesforsales.com xzrl [url=http://www.cheapdrebeatsforsales.com]cheap beats[/url] tlpgmc http://www.cheapdrebeatsforsales.com izzf [url=http://www.cheapbeatsdrdreforsales.com]beats headphone[/url] symbdx http://www.cheapbeatsdrdreforsales.com yxzbo [url=http://www.drdreheadphonesforsales.com]dr dre headphones[/url] tqvikp http://www.drdreheadphonesforsales.com hhrun ohilu [url=http://www.drdrebeatsonlinestores.com]dr dre headphones[/url] wsnix http://www.drdrebeatsonlinestores.com rig