Tuesday, January 15, 2013

WRITER'S FEET REWRITE HISTORY


I believe the wheel was not invented by caveman…
So his life would be easier...
But rather by cavewoman…
Because of her feet. 
Let me explain…
Since I’ve been here in the tropics of Mexico
My feet have widened…
My bunions have doubled in size…
And my calluses have thickened every which way.
“Beach feet!” my friend Donna told me.
“Huh?” I said.
“From going barefoot and wearing flip flops all the time.”
“Why?”
“Shoes kept your feet in place.
Now your feet are all over the place.”
And that’s when I knew why the wheel was invented.
My theory goes like this…
When caveman made shoes for cavewoman…
Her feet looked better...
From then on she wouldn’t settle for wide, callused feet anymore…
No more going barefoot in the brambles and over rocks…
But then she didn't want her shoes to get dirty...
So she demanded the wheel to be invented…
So she could be wheeled around and not ruin her shoes.
So next time you scoff at how many shoes women need…
Remember…
If it wasn’t for women loving their shoes…
To keep their feet neat…
The wheel would never had been invented.
I think the history of the wheel needs to be edited.
So?
Anyone else experience beach feet?
Or got an addition to shoes?





Always, Em-Musing


7 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

So we invented the shoe and started all of that? What were we thinking?

Michael Offutt, Speculative Fiction Author said...

I think everything spreads with age. And beach feet sounds like a euphemism for gravity. Gravity makes everything flatter and droopier with time. It's a real bitch.

farawayeyes said...

Ha, ha, ha!

I have to admit that since I've been in the tropics all of my callouses have disappeared. Of course, I was told the same thing - beach feet. All the sand and humidity have worn them away. Haven't noticed any adverse affects, but then I have always been a fan of going barefoot or wearingflip flops, even in the cold dry western regions that I came from.

The Desert Rocks said...

Desert feet must be similar but I truly enjoyed reading your theory. Sounds logical. Has anyone seen my flip-flops?

DL Hammons said...

*shakes head slowly*

:)

Adam said...

I always laugh at the concept of the caveman with the square wheel. Must of been the ancestor of the inventor of new coke.

Gossip_Grl said...

Hilarious posting! I had never thought of that before. I guess the next time my hubby cracks a joke at how many shoes I have I should just say thanks to the male species for the invention of the wheel! :) My feet get yucky in the summer time because of flip flops and going barefoot.:)