Thursday, February 7, 2013

MONSTERS, EEEK!


I’m getting bolder…
Not such a sissy…
At least now I don’t screech out anymore...
When I kill a spider.
And let me tell you…
Texas ‘bigger’ ain’t got nothing...
On jungle ‘bigger’…
When it comes to spiders.
I’ve learned to scan floors, ceilings, and walls…
When turning on the lights.
I’ve learned to bang my shoes…
Before putting my tootsies in…
And not just for spiders…
But for little scorpions who have a mean sting.
This morning…
As I went to make my coffee…
I saw movement on the floor.
Two monster spiders!
They looked at me…
I glared at them…
I could tell they were calculating where to run…
And I was calculating if I moved fast enough…
I could get two spiders for the price of one stomp…
And then I realized…
I had flip flops on..
The odds of missing one or both of the spiders…
Was 50/50...
The thought of these monsters trickling over my feet?
EEWW!
Or getting spider guts exploding on my feet?
EEWW!
And then they seized the moment...
They made their move…
Each scurrying in a different direction…
The 'ole divide and conquer maneuver.
Smart spiders.
Fine!
Today they live…
But tomorrow morning?
I’ll be stomping ready…
I’ll be wearing my boots.
So?
What’s the biggest thing…
You’ve stomped with your foot?

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I’ll be calling the pest control today


7 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I could send a clone down to take care of the spider problem. Of course, I catch and release. Not the scorpions though. You're on your own there.

Adam said...

When it comes to spiders if you attack and they fall somewhere behind the bed. Well they remember too.

A Beer For The Shower said...

A while back my wife and I were heading downstairs when we saw a black widow on the wall. It was watching my wife. No, really. She would take a step to the left, and it would go to the left with her. She took a step to the right, and it went to the right with her. Needless to say, my wife ran away screaming and I killed it with a flip flop. Admittedly, that was the one time she was justified in screaming. Horrifying.

DL Hammons said...

A Hillbilly! I think we were doing a square dance. :)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I would've taken my flip-flops off and started smacking!

Donna Maysack said...

What she said!

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I just thank God that spiders weren't born with wings...