Tuesday, May 28, 2013

MY FATHER REMEMBERED

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend.
Me?
It’s obviously not celebrated here in Mexico
But that’s not to say I didn’t contemplate...
As many of my family members served in the military.
My father, Harold W. Baldwin…
Whose birthday is on the real Memorial Day – May 30th
Fought in WWII…
His was in the 12th armored division…
A division that helped liberate Dachau…
One of Hitler’s death camps.
Although my father died in 1992…
He will be seen on May 31st…
In a National Geographic Documentary…
Inside World War II  is a three-hour television event
that provides a detailed visual timeline of the complex
war, with personal, in-depth stories from veterans
who fought in the deadliest conflict in human history. 
See it Friday May 31 at 7PM ET/PT on 
National Geographic Channel.
Back in 1990...
My father had given his oral testimony…
In Farmington Hills, MI...
And his video interview is now part of their archives.
I hope I can get this documentary here in Mexico..
If not, my sister will DVR it.
And for the next two weeks...
I will be M.I.A. from my blog...
As I have family visiting from California.
SQUEE!!!
Catch up with y'all soon.

Always, Em-Musing

Friday, May 24, 2013

THE STOP IT MOP

Living in the tropics…
I realize certain body parts of mine…
Have an agenda all their own…
Like my upper lip—it’s gone rogue.
Let me explain.
Though I love the climate here…
I suffer…
Not from the heat; not from the humidity…
But from sweat.
Profuse sweat.
And not the all over the body sweat...
That makes one glisten with dew…
No, my upper lip is on sweat steroids…
Producing more sweat than my armpits…
And thank heavens…
There aren’t any stink glands on my lip…
Otherwise I'd not only have to get mouthwash...
But lip wash...
And think of the complications...
You're about to kiss someone...
When they rear back.
"My breath?" you ask...
"No, it's your upper lip!"
"Guess I forgot to use my ChapStick deodorant."
The worst part about my lip is when I’m around people.
I can see their eyes widen…
As huge drops form…
And they, like you are now, probably think…
Just wipe your lip, Leigh!
Trust me, hand swiping sweat doesn’t work…
You just look sweaty-er.
So now having lived (suffered) here for a year…
I’ve developed my own Sweat Survival Kit.
First:        Water. To replenish your sweat.
Second:     Trace minerals, potassium, and magnesium...
               So your muscles don’t cramp…
               And you won’t spaz out and scare people.
Third:        Gatorade or other electrolyte beverage…
               So you don’t go incoherent while driving.
Fourth:      And most important—Bounty towels.
               And only Bounty…
               Because it won’t leave paper residue…
               On your upper like cheaper ones do.
               And you won’t be known as the loca 
               sweaty gringa.
Directions:  Take one Bounty sheet, fold until it’s palm 
               size, tuck it in your purse or pocket…
               As soon as sweat drops form, ease out the 
               Bounty and…
               Mop, mop, mop.
Cool, huh?
So…
Do some of your body parts have their own agenda?
Um…OK guys, I know what your first answer might be…
How about a second answer.
And am I the only sweat hog?

Always, Em-Musing




Wednesday, May 22, 2013

HUMILIATION BY ANY OTHER NAME

Yesterday…
While driving home from my Spanish class…
I practiced saying the new words from my lesson…
Still struggling with pronunciations…
As Spanish letters are said different than English.
‘A” is pronounced like ‘E’…
‘E’ like ‘I’…
‘J’ is said like an ‘H’, etc.
As I struggled with one new word…
Moving my mouth and tongue…
To get the pronunciation correct…
A memory began surfacing…
Images of another time…
Another place…
When I spoke Spanish.
A past life regression?
Don’t I wish.
It was actually a memory…
Of a past audition I can’t believe I did.
You see, I am a voiceover talent…
With over twenty-five voices in my repertoire.
One day, many years ago, my agent called.
“Leigh you speak Spanish, don’t you?”
“Uh, no.”
“Did you ever take lessons?”
“Yeah, back in fourth grade.”
“Good enough. Get a tape on Spanish and practice.”
“What? Why?”
“There’s an audition I want you to go to.”
“When?”
“In two days.”
“But I can’t pull this off.”
“You’ll be fine. Oh, and this is a new client.
I want to impress them with you.”
OK, here is when my brain must have farted…
Because I agreed, bought a tape, and practiced.
             AUDITION
Director: “Slate you name.”
Me:       “Leigh Caron.”
Director: “OK, Leigh you can begin anytime.”
Me:       Buenos Tardes—“
   ***laughter in the control room***
Director:  “Stop! You don’t speak Spanish, do you?”
Me:        “Uh, no, no I don’t.”
Director:  “Why did you come to the audition then?”
Me:        “Well, um, you see, um—“
Director:  “Never mind. Obviously you’re not right…
             for this script, but your agent gave me 
             your CD. I like your voice. And I have other 
             scripts you can audition for another day.”
Well, I did get those other voiceover gigs
So it all worked out in the end…
But I can tell you this...
Humiliation in any language?
Feels the same.
So?
Ever do anything so crazy? Or humiliating?
What was it?

Always, Em-Musing


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

WARDROBE FUNCTIONS

I hate watching movies or TV shows…
When the make-believe world I’m watching…
Has snaggy details that make me go, hmm?
Like the new episode of Game of Thrones, for instance.
Lots of nudity in that one…
But it wasn’t the lack of clothing that perturbed me…
It was the clothing in general…
Specifically (and maybe I nodded off here and didn’t catch why)
When Tyrion Lannister marries Sansa Stark …..
Why wasn’t she wearing a wedding dress?
Why was everyone wearing the same clothes…
That they wore in the last three episodes?
Why was Cersei Lannister, the king’s mother…
In her everyday dress?
Why do some look like they’re dressed for winter…
And other’s for summer?
And King Joffrey’s fiancĂ©...
Why was still in that same old blue frock?
Perhaps the wardrobe budget had been cut…
Hence all the scantily clad women.
(Can we say hooray for lots of bootay!)
And so here’s a note to the director:
It’s only fair if you show ladies naked…
That you show the same amount of manly flesh…
And I’m not talking naked chests and arms…
(Can we say yay for some manly bootay!)
What say you?
Do you find details like these...
As irritating as wool?
And does it break your entertainment reality?

Always, Em-Musing

Monday, May 20, 2013

THE AGELESS QUESTION

Three-year-olds are so smart.
Why?
Because according to Tommy: The Blog…
“Smart people ask questions…
They challenge the very limit of understanding.”
And as any parent knows…
Three-year-olds challenge the very limit of patience…
By keep asking the same question—Why?
Why this? Why that? Why, why, why?
And they ask it so many times…
You just want to pinch…er, I mean kiss…
Their little cheeks and say…
“Because I said so.”
Or, “You don’t need to know—just because!”
I stayed home all day yesterday…
I putzed some, I read some…
But mostly I contemplated…
How life always has twists and turns…
And brings different people into your life…
Then one day there’s a new twist, and a new turn…
And *POOF* they’re gone.
So while scholars ponder the theory of relativity…
Most people wonder about the meaning of life…
Me?
I’d settle for a simple answer all three-year-olds ask…
Why?
What about you?
Are there burning questions you want answered?
Have any been answered?

Always, Em-Musing

Friday, May 17, 2013

JUNGLE HEAT

I’m writing again…
And more than just my blog. Yay!
I’m actually writing in a new genre-erotica.
Erotica? Hmm? This is not me.
So where is this coming from?
From the depths of the hot humid jungle?
From the sensual tropical breezes?
From all the steamy Latins kissing on every corner?
Could be. But maybe it due to the rising temps…
And the fact that I’m not wearing (m)any clothes.
Oh, I am covered…
But loosely.
For now though…
I’m not going to censor myself…
(well, maybe my choice of wraps)
Because first of all, there’s nothing wrong with erotica…
But more important…
I have to let my muse do her thing…
Even though erotica is not my usual writing thing.
And although I’ve never written erotica before…
I have read erotica.
But I have a quandary writing erotica…
And here’s the rub (as her fingers work the oil up his thigh)
I writer humor…
Is there such a sub-genre as humorous erotica?
Because wouldn’t giggling ruin the mood?
And what about you?…
Have you/ do you read/write erotica?
And how far out of your genre comfort zone…
Have you ever written?

Always, Em-Musing

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

GONE GHOUL

I usually don’t pay attention to commercials…
But when I see bloody meat sizzling in a pan…
For the umpteenth time…
I sit back to see what’s up…
Or should I say what’s cooking?
Oh, a new TV show?
Hannibal? As in Hannibal Lechter?
Oh, come on. Really?
It was creepy enough watching Anthony Hopkin’s face…
As he described eating some guy’s liver…
With fava beans and a nice chianti…
But to do that with facial expressions is great acting…
To actually see the liver…
With the blood oozing out when sliced into…
That’s gratuitous.
And then there’s another commercial…
For another new TV show—The Following.
First you see a nice guy with a family…
And then you see the same guy…
But now he’s a bad guy, torturing a woman.
Really?
Is this what entertainment is coming down to?
OK, I admit that I watch Criminal Minds
But sometimes I have to change the channel…
Because I don’t want to see all the gore and horror…
Especially because all episodes…
Are based on true stories…
And worse?
Every episode had to be ratcheted down…
So as not to shock the viewers.
It seems to me that our entertainment…
Is obsessed with horrific stories…
Which makes me wonder…
Are we becoming a society...
Of entertainment vampires and ghouls…
Waiting for our daily fix of blood and gore?
What's your daily intake?

Always, Em-Musing

Monday, May 13, 2013

SCANNY CAM

5:00 A.M. Sunday morning…
All I wanted to do…
Was drink my fresh brew…
Check emails…
And find a nice quote to post on Facebook...
About Mother’s Day…
When all of a sudden…
Up pops the Final Media Player Pop Up.
It needed updating or something.
Sure, sure go ahead—click.
A few minutes later it was done…
And then there another pop up to accept.
Sure, sure, I accept—click.
Then I accepted something else—click.
And another—click.
And another—click.
Wait!
What was I accepting?
Another pop up popped up and—DAMN!
I accepted Surf Canon? PC Optimizer?
Driver Scanner? Yahoo as my default browser…
And who knows how many more!
Are you kidding me? NO!
I didn’t realize I was accepting all of these!
It’s not fair to take advantage of me…
At 5:00 in the morning!
That’s it! I’ve had enough!
I’m going to invent….hmm…let me see…
I know—the SCANNY CAM…
This Scanny Cam will mount on computer screens…
Each time someone wants to use their computer…
They have to look at the screen and be scanned.
The Scanny Cam will then calculate:
Are the person's eyes fully open?
Is the person at the computer fully awake?
Is the person capable of comprehending anything?
If all these questions are not a ‘yes’…
Then the computer will not allow the person…
To download, buy, or accept anything.
And especially if the Scanny Cam…
Sees the person is taking out a credit card…
Then Scanny Cam will lock-up the keyboard...
Until the person can fully prove they are fully functioning.
So?
Have you ever been waylaid by pop ups?
Have you ever accepted way more than you wanted?

Always, Em-Musing

Friday, May 10, 2013

WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS

Wind…
A proverbial force…
That can be either positive…
As in the wind beneath my wings…
Or negative…
As in the wind is out of my sails.
As I sit here in Mexico
With the Trade winds blowing in my window…
I’m poised at my computer…
Waiting for words to come me…
Words for my W.I.P…
But they’re not there yet.
So I have to ask myself…
Where is my wind?
Recently I suffered a life altering experience…
And with it, came listlessness...
Aimlessness…
Restlessness...
( enough 'lessness' already! )
I need to find direction again…
To charter a new future…
To where I don’t know now…
But I need movement…
I need wind.
Obviously, I cannot control nature’s winds…
Neither the intensity or direction…
But can I manifest my own wind...
Then control the force of my wind...
And the direction it will take me?
Let me ask you…
Have you ever lost your wind?
Did you get it back?
How?


Always, Em-Musing

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

PERMISSION SLIPS

I love a good excuse…
Oh, not an excuse to try and weasel out of something.
No, what I’m talking about is permission…
Being given permission to do something…
Or giving yourself permission to do something.
Like when you’re sick…
No one will question you...
If you stay in bed and watch TV or just sleep all day…
Especially if there’s a bucket by your bed.
Or take blizzards for instance…
They give you permission to stay home and play.
Yesterday…
I got permission from my Spanish tutor…
To watch cartoons.
“You should watch The Simpson’s," she said... 
“and Dora the Explorer.”
Hmm? Was she hinting that I’m slow?
“The vocabulary is simple, easy to grasp.
And the characters talk slow.”
Ah! Slow. As in talking slower…
And yes, If I’m going to learn to speak Spanish…
I need to hear people habla mas despacio.
But the most important permission I ever got…
Was from the King, as in Stephen…
"If you don't have time to read
you don't have time (or the tools) to write.
Simple as that." - Stephen King
Can’t argue with that logic.
But sometimes…
When I kick back with a book…
It still feels like a guilty pleasure...
LIke I should be up doing something physical.
What part of me can't enjoy the pleasure without the guilt?
What about you?
Do you ever feel guilty reading?
And what percent do you read versus write?


Always, Em-Musing

Monday, May 6, 2013

THE ECSTASY AND THE AGONY

Ah…
Last night…
I was so excited…
Game of Thrones was coming on.
First up…
A repeat of last week’s episode...
Then after that…
The new episode.
Last Sunday...
I had fallen asleep during that new episode…
So to assure I wouldn’t fall asleep this time…
I brewed a fresh cup of coffee…
And I had taken a nap earlier.
All I had to do was turn on the TV…
Sit back with my cup of Joe when…
Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Spanish!
Spanish?
Por que? Hmm?
Obviously the repeats were in Spanish…
And while I am taking Spanish lesions…
I’m not that fluent yet.
But I couldn’t not watch…
I had to see what Khaleesi did with her slave men…
Will Jaimi Lannister survive without his hand?
Always love watching any scene with Tyrion Lannister…
Especially when it includes his sinister sister, Cersei.
And a cheap thrill for me?
Who gets naked in this episode?
I suppose I could get the book series, Game of Thrones
That way I’d always know all the action…
Plus...
It would be fun having a visual of the characters.
But I don’t like doing that…
That being, reading a book after I’ve seen the movie.
And besides...
Seeing someone butt naked is more fun than visualizing.
What about you?
Do you like to read a book…
After you’ve seen a movie?
Do you watch Game of Thrones?
Who’s your favorite character?

Always, Em-Musing