Thursday, November 19, 2015

DEAR JOHN!

I am writing to inform you…
Our relationship lately has been strained…
I don’t trust…
That you care about my needs…
Therefore…
I am taking matters into my own hands…
And seeking out any government….
Organization, profit or non…
Or any entity in the universe…
Who wants to “take over” something…
Please! “Take over” BATHROOMS!
Standardize them!
Having traveled through parts of…
Europe, Asia and Mexico…
And used countless bathrooms, toilettes…
Śaucālaya, banos, H̄̂xngn̂ả, and W.C.’s
Let me state for the record…
UGH! EEEWW! and PEEUUU!!!
(of course not all, especially Mexico'sthey’re clean but tiny)
Each time I have to use a public bathroom
It feels like I'm entering an altered state of 
Bodily function consciousness
My reality shifts and my senses cry outWHY? 
So I've made a list of 
MUST-DO’s for the LOO:
1) There will always be a toilet…
   With a seat…
   No hole in the ground!
   Toilets must flush!
2) Toilet paper in every stall
   That comes off without clawing
   And can be reached without gyrations or acrobatics!
3) Stalls that an adult from all countries can fit into!
4) Doors! That shut! Preferably with a lock!
5) Soap! lots and lots of soap!
6) Running water!
7) A way to dry hands besides room air! 
8) Industrial strength room deodorizers! 
9  And no unknown substances on the floor!
But until that time…
I will take matters in my own hands…
And always have handy…
A stash tissues…
A scarf to cover my nose, if need be…
And at the very least…
I will always 
LOOK before I sit…
Because my butt, senses, and sanity…
Deserve it.
So? Anyone else out there share my angst?
Have anything to add to my list?
And guys? 
You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. 

Always,
Em-Musing

P.S. I love my family’s sense of humor.  My
cousin, Susan Kott, a photographer in Philly
actually has a book on bathrooms called, IN THE CAN.
It's a photographic journey of the good, the bad, and the ugly.












You can check it out here: 




8 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

On those rare occasions I need one when out and about, yeah, I know what you mean.
My blogger buddy Sean says those squat toilets are better for you. I guess only if you don't have bad knees.
Smallest bathrooms I've encountered? London. I guess most Americans are just out of luck.

Adam said...

I'll settle for the those hi-tech Japanese toilets

alexia said...

Yes, I've definitely had some scary bathroom experiences :) What's weird to me is the toilets and shower all being right next to each other in a lot of European places, like with no edge or tub for the shower.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Yes, soap and TP! Very important. Plus warm water. It scares me how many restrooms only have cold. That is not sanitary.

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