Wednesday, September 5, 2012

WHAT HAPPENS IN TULUM...


He was 92…
I was naked…
And I let this man hurt me…
In ways no other man had.
*One hour earlier*
“People come from all over the world…
So he can massage them,” my friend Donna said.
“Besides muscles….
Manipulating ligaments and tendons is his specialty.”
That sounded great. I’ve been in pain for 3 years.
“Just so you know…
You’re going to have to take all your clothes off,”
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Can I at least keep my underwear on?”
“Not if you want him to really help you.
But don’t worry, he’s blind.”
Just then the old man came out of the house.
He didn’t look a day over seventy-two.
“Don Aurelio, this is my friend, Leigh.”
“Muy bonita,” he said shaking my hand.
Donna whispered to me, “He said you’re a beauty.”
“I thought you said he was blind!”
“Well, mostly.”
My friend translated that I have pain in my groin…
“Tell him my doctor back in the States…
Told me it’s because of my sartorius muscle.”
Donna translated this to the old man.
He nodded and opened the door for me to go in.
Well, all I can say is…
Every massage I’ve ever had before…
Included scented candles, soft lights…
And something to cover myself with.
Here? Only bright florescent lights…
The sounds of kids playing outside, dogs barking…
And the smell of something frying a few doors away.
Don Aurelio motioned for me to undress.
I had to make a quick calculation…
Would my modesty outweigh my pain?
No.
So, off came the clothes.
With Don Aurelio standing behind me…
I awkwardly climbed up on the table…
And prayed he was more than mostly blind.
Lying there, eyes and thighs squeezed tight...
I felt movement behind my head…
I could smell something, and then…
CLAP
SLAP
“OW!” (it’s screamed the same in Spanish as in English)
His huge, gnarly hands were on me…
Thankfully he had put scented oils on them…
Otherwise he would have rubbed my skin off.
*Breath*
Remember how breathing helped with labor pains?
Forty-five minutes later…
I emerged from his house…
Greased up, groggy, and teeth still gritting.
“Well?”
“My hip feels much better.”
The old man said something in Spanish to Donna.
“He wants you to know that you’ll be sore for a few days…
And that you were really, really tight…
But your pain will go away.”
I nodded.
“He said one more session would really help.”
I nodded.
I then paid my three hundred pesos (not quite 25 bucks)
And we left Tulum.
“So? What do you think?” Donna asked.
“All I can say is…
ONLY because I feel remarkably better…
I won’t have him arrested…
For assault with a deadly weapon—his hands!”
“Are you coming again with me next week?”
“Absolutely!”
So?
How much pain would you have to be in…
To strip and lay naked for a 92-year-old man?


Always, Em-Musing

12 comments:

farawayeyes said...

How much is the airfare? I have trouble with a pinched siatic(sp?) nerve. This is a 'no brainer'!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I would have to be dying and then I'd still have to think about it!
But glad you feel better.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I might be willing, but my husband would say not a chance.

mshatch said...

I'd have to be in helluva lot more pain than I'm in now. Even if he is blind.

Isis Rushdan said...

I'd have to be in a coma. That's pretty much the only way.

Arlee Bird said...

My wife goes for a massage nearly every week (though not like you've described). It's a Chinese place and they charge $20. After much cajoling she finally persuaded me to go one day. I didn't care much for it, but maybe after I got used to it I make be okay with it. Still, I haven't gone back. Not something I enjoy all that much.

Lee
Wrote By Rote


paula contreras said...

Drink lots of water. Deep tissue massage releases a lot of toxins and you need to flush them out. Glad you are feeling better.

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

You must have had deep tissue. I had that once and I can't stand it. It's too powerful/painful of a massage. I prefer hot, wet stone massage myself.

Stephanie said...

I don't do naked in front of strangers, so I would have to be dead :-)

Jennifer Shirk said...

I laughed out loud at this!

I hope it does work!

Madeleine Sara said...

LOL! I was hooked into this piece. Great tale.

The Desert Rocks said...

This is very funny. I've been to Tulum and well it wasn't like this. Strip for a 92 that looks 72? Hmmm. My husband is 72 but looks 52. Hmmm. Still thinking about this....