FLIPPING TORTILLA

I’ve poked a lot of fun lately…

About some of my experiences…

And adjusting to my new home in Mexico.

But there are many more positives...
So, as the saying goes here...
Let me flip the tortilla.

Besides the beauty of the Riviera Maya….

With the Caribbean beaches, palms trees and flowers…

There are the people…

Calm, polite, friendly and loving.

Mothers hold their babies in their arms.

Yes, there are strollers available here…

But moms and dads hold their babies…

While they shop or walk the streets.

I’ve often admired the strength of the women’s arms.

Families go out as a unit…

And children behave.

The only whiny kids I see here are tourists.

Parents aren’t afraid to let their children play outside…

Because there’re no bad men waiting to snatch them.

Couples hold hands, no matter what age...

And at any given moment…

A young couple will stop, embrace…

And kiss with abandon.

You can’t help but feel their passion.

Women embrace their femininity…

They dress to flatter their curves…

No matter how big their curves are.

I’m learning to embrace my inner chica.

Everything here is clean.

Sweeping is done non-stop.

Wiping windows is done daily.

I even saw a janitor carefully cleaning…

The glass case of a fire extinguisher in a mall.

Fruits and veggies are the freshest of fresh…

And sold everywhere...

Grocery stores, fruit markets, and on corners.

And hmm?

I am neither gluten nor lactose intolerant here.

Will I poke fun again at more of my experiences?

I wouldn’t be Em-Musing if I didn’t.

I’ll be taking a break for a week or so…

As some guests are in from out of town.

Until then…

Adios amigos.

Always, Em-Musing

SEE FOOD

You have to be either brave…

Or blind…

To eat certain seafood…

At least for me here in Mexico.

Mind you, I grew up on Long Island…

So I’m used to seafood soups and chowders…

But whatever seafood was in it…

Had pieces. Small pieces.

Except for the sometimes mussel or clam shells…

You couldn’t quite tell what was in those soups.

Sort of like sausage…

Ya don’t really know what’s inside…

But it doesn’t matter ‘cause it tastes good.

Well, the other day…

I went into a cute little seafood restaurant...

So many choices!

I decided on sopa de mariscos…

(seafood soup)

When the waiter set the bowl in front of me though…

It thought he brought out an aquarium…

A tomato based aquarium.
There were lots of boiled bodies, and...
Eeeep!

A tail was hanging out!

Iguana? Gecko? Snake?

Oh wait, ha, ha…

It was a tentacle—a long purple tentacle…

Yeah, the locals eat lots of pulpa (octopus).

And then there were two whole crabs in my sopa…

And I love crab—crab legs, that is…

Or at least parts of a crab big enough to dig into.

But these crabs were so small…

I needed tweezers and a toothpick to eat them…

And they still had their black beady eyeballs.

Sorry, I can’t eat any food that stares at me.

The sopa did smell delicioso, however…

So I took a spoonful.

Bueno! Muy bueno!

Then I realized…

I didn’t have to be blind or brave…

To eat this sopa…

I’d handle it just like I do with my fear of heights…

And not look down.
What about you?
How brave are your taste buds?

Always, Em-Musing

YOU'VE GOT MAL

My email inbox…

Normally it’s friends, family, some spam.

Then the other day, 30 emails…

Telling me how to lose weight…

And 5 emails entitled, ‘ejaculation trainer'.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Really? That deed needs training?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And then…

A few hours later…

My computer was acting weird…

So I checked and sure enough…

A TROJAN!

Coincidence?

I think not.

Thank heavens for Microsoft Security Essentials…

After a full scan...
They captured that horsey and got rid of it…

Now, that’s the kind of protection I’m talking about.

I also have Carbonite…

I know, I know…

I sound like a commercial…

But if your computer stores your writing…

And the worse happens…

DEAR GOD ALMIGHTY!

Yeah, you know what I mean.

So?
Be on the look out for this malware...
And...
You do use protection, right?

Always, Em-Musing
P.S. And no, I did not open 'ejaculation trainer' email

RIGHT OF 'NO WAY' JOSE!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she was forced to by a semi behind her…

And yeah, that chicken be me.

What can I say?

The drivers in Mexico are tenacious.

And traffic patterns?

HAHAHAHAHA!

There are no patterns…

There are no rules…

There are also no road signs..

Except ‘stop’…

But that’s just a suggestion.

There are also no lines on the roads…

Well, there are lines…

But they’re too faint to see.

But if you could see the lines…

It wouldn’t matter. No one would pay attention to them…

Drivers drive anywhere they want to on the road…

Two lanes? Three lanes? Whatever you feel like today.

Turn signals?

Seldom are they used...
But when they are...

More often, it’s not which direction they are turning...
It's which way they want you to go...

And you feel like you’re taking a pop quiz…

‘What does the turn signal on that car mean?'

And when you approach an unmarked intersection...

It's ''Dodge 'em drivers!'

I need to trade my Jeep in for a tank…

Or a gigantic bumper car….

Or just take a taxi...

Because most taxis have a rosary hanging on the mirror....

And/or a saint on the dash...

So all I have to do is get in, close my eyes…

And pray!

Always, Em-Musing

THAR SHE BLOWS!

What can I say?

A girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do.

And do it, I did.

Should I have? Hmm? I’ll let you judge.

It all started at a casino in Playa del Carmen.

I went early; hardly anyone was there…

So I wandered and found a slot machine—a winning slot!

Now, if you’ve ever played a winning slot machine…

You know you don’t leave it for nada.

And this machine was paying off big time!

Unfortunately…

A woman sat down next to me—a smoker.

Ya see, my slot machine was in the smoking section…

Now mind you, I don’t mind smokers; I used to be one…

But I do mind…

When rude smokers blow their smoke in my direction…

Considering there’re other direction options.

As I waived her smoke away..

I sensed she took offense…

I heard a huff with her puff…

And from then on…

Every time she blew smoke out…

She aimed it at me.

And Lord! She was a chain smoker!

I don’t speak enough Spanish…

To have said, “Please? Can you blow away from me?

And truthfully…

She seemed delighted each time I coughed…

Because she hacked out a phlegmy cough as well.

Oh, what to do. What to do?

Stay, expose my lungs and chance missing the jackpot?

Or save my lungs and no jackpot?

Just then my guts gurgled.…

Ya see, I’m prone to be gassy…

But I—not wanting to offend others—squelch.

Oh no! The gas bubble was intensifying…

Rumbling, increasing in pressure…

Like a depth charge ready to detonate!

Just then...
The smoker targeted my face with another blast.

That’s it! I’d had enough!

I lifted a ‘cheek’. . .aimed. . . and fired back!

BWAH HAHAHAHAH!

She turned and glared…

I turned and smiled.

Oh, yeah. This was going to be a standoff to the end…

Question was…

Who would run out of ammo first?

So?

What say you?

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I did win! Not the jackpot,

but $66,000 pesos! About $500.00 U.S. bucks.

A BIG ROUND OF THANKS

Today I’m being thankful…

First…

To my all my new followers...

I truly appreciate you.
Second…

I’d like to thank Kendra503 at her Flame Writer blog.

She gave me a Stylish Blogger award.

As always, there are rules:

1)      Write about a time you dressed up.

2)    Include a picture if you have one

3)    Nominate five people

Here goes..

It was the morning of Prince William and Kate's wedding...

I was fascinated...

Not so much by Westminster Abbey...

And all pomp and circumstance...

But by all the ladies' outrageous hats.

I had to have one!

I shot up, found a hat, some silk flowers...

And voila!

By then though...

It was time to blog...

So I took a pic of me and my hat...

And blogged.

OK, now to give the award to 5 others...

Constance Phillips at A Writer's Musings

Jayne Kingston and her blog

Jenna Rutland at her fun blog

Wendy Burke at her blog, Whatever, Wendy

Michelle Kott at One Up Style

And finally, I'd like to thank Desert Rocks...
For giving me a Gold Award on her blog on Friday.
That's it for today's post...
Catch me tomorrow...
When I admit to doing something...
Usually only guys do.


Always, Em-Musing

BAD TO THE BINDING

Reviews are smokin’ in the Blogosphere…

About Fifty Shades of Grey…

And more often than not…

The reviews are about how bad the book is.

Hmm?

Bad book?

Fifty Shades of Grey is about…

BDSM…

So?

Maybe the book is just living up to…

It’s subject matter?

Oh, you’re such a bad book…

You need your back cover spanked!

How about I tie you up…

And take a crop to your binding?

Or maybe I’ll deprive you of being read…

For hours! Maybe days!

Or?

Maybe I’ll spread your pages wide open…

And insert a book mark—hard!

Oh yeah, you like that, don’t you, you bad book?

Hey, it’s Friday, what can I say?

Guess I'm a little freaky today

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I was given a Stylish blogger award this week…

by Kendra503. Next week I'll follow the rules and
do a post on it. If not? You can punish me. Just
don't make it hurt too much.

B-PUB'D

THANK YOU!

Thank you very much…

Today I’d like give a big warm thank you to…

drum roll here

BLOGGER!

Yes, a big hugs ‘n’ kisses thank you to Blogger...

Because they've published me!

Yeah, I’m sure you think I’m teasing…

But I’m not…

You see, whenever I post on my blog…

Or leave a comment on someone else’s blog…

Blogger offers me the option—to ‘publish’.

WOOT! WOOT!

Oh, I know it’s not the same as really being pub’d…

But still it gives me a giggle to hit ‘publish’ everyday.

And now when people ask, “Are you published?”

I’ll just smile and let them think I am.

I only hope they never ask…

If they can buy my book.

But wait! Hold the pixels!

Blogger does offer a way to publish blog posts.

Have you seen it?

Yup, all your posts can be compiled…

Into book form.

So?

Would you ever make a book of your blog posts?

Because think about it…

You put lots of time and creativity into your posts…

Will you let them exist only in the vast Internet?

Hmm? Will I do it?

Naw.

I can wait for the real publishing deal.

But in the meantime…

I’ll just take the daily cheap thrills from Blogger.

Always, Em-Musing

BOOB JOB

Did you see it?

Madonna’s boob?

A few weeks ago in all the press?

I passed.

Actually, I looked but the photo was fuzzy.

But is that what her talent has boiled down to?

Is that all people care to see of her…

Is her boob?

And besides…

It’s soooooooooo Janet Jackson.

But who am I to judge?

Maybe showing boobies…

Is the next phase of marketing.

Imagine a time…

When a well-known author…

Or even YOU…

Has a bit of a slump in sales…

And to increase sales…

The publicist wants her/you to show a boob...

Either a photo...
Included on the inside a sealed jacket cover…

Or, during at a book signing.

Just think of the publicity!

HOO YEAH!

Thankfully, that day isn’t here yet.

But tell me…

Have you…

Or would you…

Do something outrageous to increase sales?

What would it be?

And guys…

You can comment too, but sorry…

Doubt anyone cares about seeing your boobies.

Always, Em-Musing

IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE

Aw…

Didn’t mean to frighten anyone about Mexico…

Because the truth is…

Police here are considered ‘preventive’ law enforcement...

Unlike cops in the States...
Who show up after an incident or crime.
With tourism here on the Rivera Maya…

Being the only industry…

The Mexican government...
Wants to deter crime and not scare the tourists...

Because that would mean the locals wouldn’t have work.

And actually?…

When people ask me if I’m afraid to travel…

I say, “Oh yeah! You betcha!

When I travel to the States that is...
Like, Detroit, Chicago, Philly..

And yup…

Even some parts of my beloved New York City.”

And just like NYC’s finest…

Who are on almost every corner…

The policia here in Mexico…

Are ever vigilant too.

There, there…

Feel better now?

Please don’t be afraid to visit me…

When my retreat is up and running…

The only thing that you might encounter…

Are the chongos (monkeys) in the jungle.

Always, Em-Musing

AUTO IMMUNE

NOTES TO SELF...

While going thru Mexican police check points:

Do not laugh like a hyena…

No matter how funny your thought is…

You will look like a lunatic...
And you will be pulled over.

Don’t sing if they can’t hear the music…

You’ll look like a nut job..

And you will get pulled over.

Do not take a policia’s picture…

N0 matter how hot he looks in his uniform…

You will get pulled over.

Do not stare at a policia too long….

You’ll look guilty of something…

And you will get pulled over.

Do not drive faster than a turtle…

As you go over the topes (speed bumps)….

You’ll look like you’re evading…

And you will get pulled over.

And sometimes for no reason…

You will get pulled over.

But not to worry…

The policia are polite…

They will shake your hand…

Look through your car, ask where you live…

And then you’re on your way.

Now, if you’re driving down the highway...

And are speeding and get pulled over…

Not to worry. All you have to do is smile...

Show them your car's registration...

And answer their questions.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak enough Spanish…

But I do speak the international language….

That everyone knows (and is expected here)...

I just pull out 200 pesos ($20 bucks)…

We both smile…

And we’re both on our way.

How about you?

Ever bribe a policeman? Or anyone?

Always, Em-Musing

I FEEL FAINT. YES! YES!

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Sorry for my fit of hysteria–laughing fit that is…

But I came upon a juicy historical tidbit…

While researching the history of ‘swoon’ .

Seems swooning…

Was a common occurrence in the nineteen century...

Which often led to female hysteria.

This from Wikipedia:

“Female hysteria The second most common theory

for the predominance of fainting couches is the home

treatment of female hysteria through manual pelvic

massage by home visiting doctors and midwives.

As a ‘disease’ that needed constant, recurring

(usually weekly) in-home treatment with a procedure

that, through manual massage, could sometimes take

hours, the need for specialized furniture for maximum

comfort during the extended procedure arose.

Later, the creation of fainting rooms for privacy 
during the intimate massage procedure were built.”

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Oh, you genteel ladies of the nineteen century…

You had it going ON!

And those doctors! What a scam!
I can imagine a scenario something like this:

A husband leaving for work leans down to kiss his wife…

“What are your plans for the day, my dear?”

“The doctor is coming over.”

“Again?”

“How dare you question my pelvic massages!”

“Settle down I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You’re always doubting my disease! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“No don’t faint! OK, OK! I’ll call the doctor now.”

Wow, what a scam.

So while the women didn’t have voting rights back then…

They did have ‘fainting couches’!

And…

Husbands that went along with the scam!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

And I can imagine another scenario….

Guests arrive for a party at this couple’s house.

“Please, come in and have a seat,” the hosts say.

The couple looks around at the seating options..

But the only place left is the ‘fainting couch’.

“Uh, no thanks,” the pastor and his wife say, 
“We’ll stand.”

HAHAHAHAHAH! 
So?
Isn't history fun? 
What fun stuff have you ever discovered?

Always, Em-Musing

EMOTIONAL-LETTING

As Papa said…

Papa Hemingway, that is:

“There is nothing to writing.

All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
And no, I’m not comparing my writing to Papa…

But I do understand what he means.

I got a critique back recently…

Yeeow!

What does she mean my characters are cardboard?

And my protagonist doesn’t have enough emotions?

So I took a deep breath and read…

And reread….

And reread

What was the problem?

I understood exactly what my character was feeling.

(light bulb goes on here)

Um yeah…‘I understood’ being the operative words.

Obviously, what my character was feeling wasn’t obvious.

And so I sat to rewrite…

And I sat…

And sat…

And sat.

Damn this is hard.

I mean, c'mon on!
I think short thoughts.

I write short sentences. (duh)

But emotions I guess, shouldn’t be short.

I don’t know if it’s AADD…

Or I block emotions…

But it’s hard for me...

To stay with feeling too long.

But blocked emotions are not conducive..

To writing emotional stories.

So I put on a Rick Braun CD…

And allowed myself to f e e l.

Half way through the CD, I was balling my eyes out.

Jeeze! Why? His music never seemed sad before.

But I stuck with it…

All the way to end of chapter one.

Lord! This was harder than I thought.

And if like Papa…

I have to bleed to write...
I'm going to need a  transfusion...
To get through the whole manuscript.

What about you?

How deep does your prose go?

How hard do you suffer for your characters?

Or do you?

Always, Em-Musing

EATS MEETS RETREATS

Moving to Mexico…

I was excited about my future…

So many new adventures, a new home…

And of course my writer’s retreat.

But I wasn’t sure…

If I’d find any writers to connect with.

And then one night at a dinner party...

I met Donnala…

Owner of Tiramisu…

A beautiful restaurant on the marina.

 

Originally here from Connecticut…

She’s been in Mexico almost 15 years.

“So what brought you to Mexico," she asked me.

“I want to open a spiritual writer’s retreat.”

“I’m a writer,” she said.

Wow, this was cool.

“I’m also a reiki master and shamanic sound healer.

Way cool!

“So, where is your land?” Donnala asked.

“In Akumal on the jungle side.”

“Where  in Akumal?”

“Rancho San Martin.”

“What lot?”

“Number 14.”

Donnala threw her head back and laughed

OK, she’s had waaaaay too much wine!.

I was about to dismiss her tipsy conversation when…

“I own lot number 15” Donnala said.

Wow, what were the odds?

“And I came here to open a writer’s retreat.”

We stared at each other…

I mean really? What are the chances…

Of both of us buying land in Mexico...
Across from each other…

And both of us wanting to build a writer’s retreat?

I don’t know if you believe in fate, or serendipity…

But I do. And my jaw is still hung open.

Meet Donnala...

This photo was taken the day she did a blessing for my land.


 She’s written and illustrated a poetry book, 
Entitled, Hammock Sutra…

And, eh hem…

You’ll have to ask her how she knows what she knows.

Here’s a link to her blog.

Please hop over and take a peek…
So?

Do you believe in fate?

Have you ever encountered such serendipity?

Always, Em-Musing

Donnala put her retreat dreams on hold when

she opened her restaurant, but now says I’ve

inspired her. She plans to build her home in

the jungle and help me with my retreat

and promises she's going to teach me 
laugh yoga. HAHAHAHAHAH!