POMP ADORE

I woke up this morning thinking...

(always a good thing)

That I'd watch just a bit of the Royal Wedding...

While the coffee brewed.

A few minutes into the TV coverage though...

I realized...

I was hooked!

And way under dressed.

I needed a hat!

And so I scurried off to make one.

And here it is...

 (if you look hard enough, you'll see a mardi gras mask)

(thankfully you can't see I'm still in my jams under the jacket)

I guess I do love all the pomp and circumstance.

So...

Pip, pip...cheerio...

I hear the crowds cheering...

And I'm off to watch more.

Hope you'll have a royally splendid weekend.

Oh...are you watching?

Always, Em-Musing

FRANKLY SPEAKING

I thought I was being creative…
When I designed my own blog.
OK, yes…I did start off with Blogspot…
But not satisfied with their typical templates…
I went on to “advanced” settings…
Where I jerry-rigged my own…
In order to get a blog that best represented me.
And actually, it’s still not perfect…
I would have preferred my photo to be a bit smaller…

But what I got is all I could get.
Anyway…

In the past few months…
I’ve joined a few writer sites…
And wanted to add those gadgets to my blog…
But noooooooooo!
I can’t do any fun or creative things to my blog…
Because I side-stepped “normal”…
Because my blog isn’t mainstream…
Because I did it “my way.”
And this got me thinking…
About my novel…
While I’m staying true to my voice, true to the story…
It may not be considered mainstream...
Or have a broad appeal.
Actually, being that it's humorous women's fiction...
It does have a "broad" appeal.
But you know what I mean.
So?
What do you think?
Should I write the story only I can write?
Or write a story geared for mainstream?

Always, Em-Musing

I LOVE SPAM

I’m going to make a statement…

That I guarantee…

Will make you say, “The woman is nuts!”

OK, here goes…

I think the most creative and unappreciated writers are…

Spammers.

Well, did you say it? 

But really. I’m not kidding.

And here's my rationale ...

About why I think spammers don't get their just dues...

Think about it...

They have to entice a reader...

In less space…

Than a tweeter’s 140 characters do…

And every day they have to come up with new and different lines.

And OK, I’m going to admit it right here and now…

I have been duped into opening some spam emails…

Like the time I thought Facebook was really contacting me…

(there was a nasty virus in that one)

Or the one that actually had my name and address…

Or the one that promised to erase my wrinkles...

Or the one that say the FBI was contacting me.

(what can I say? I’m paranoid!)

So see?...

Spam writers enticed me. Their words were that effective.

And just in case you don’t believe me about how creative spammers are…

Let me see your spam email line…

To entice a reader about your novel.

Remember, you have only 60 characters or less.

I double dog dare you! 

:)

  

Always, Em-Musing 

INK, WELL?

I discovered another weird secret of the universe…

Pens multiply!

They have to!

Because why do I have so many?

When did I start collecting them?

Or hoarding them?

Did I think there would be a shortage?

Did I have to take every free pen there was?

And I don't even use pens to write my novels...

I use my laptop.

And the strange thing is…

I don’t remember bringing each one home.

And that’s why I’m convinced they multiply because…

How can I explain that I have five…

Of every kind of ugly pen there is?

Like bank pens…

Those white Bic kind with red lettering.

I’m sure they’ve caught me on surveillance cameras…

“There she goes again! Taking another pen!”

And why are there pens in so many places in my home?

Every old purse has one…

Every draw has a pen…

They’re squeezed between sofa cushions…

And under the sofa.

And there was even one hidden by a shoe in my closet.

But you know what?

It doesn’t matter how many pens I have…

Because every time I’m somewhere writing a check…

(yes, I’m the last holdout on debit cards)

I’ll still rummage through my purse…

Only to come up empty handed and say…
“Uh, pardon me…could I borrow a pen?”

So? Are my pens the only ones?

Do yours multiply?

Always, Em-Musing

GREEN, EASTER EGGS AND???

I’m innocent, I tell you!

I swear I didn’t do it!

(intentionally that is)

Yesterday, being Easter…

While most families were gathered around a roast…

And colored eggs…

I was hovered over my laptop…

Because both my daughters were out of town.

Now, while I could have felt sad for being alone…

I opted instead to make the most out of my “home alone” Easter…

By making it the, “I can do what I want” Easter.

And so I did…

I worked on my W.I.P. to my little hearts content…

Researched the upcoming RWA national convention…

(that I’m going to)

Checked out agents blogs…

Checked out other writer blogs…

Like the International Women’s Writing Guild…

And via that…

I came upon this [dramatic sfx] da da daaaa!…

Evil Slutopia blog…

Butt I swear!

I only went there because it referenced April being “green” month.

And I was curious about how writers could be green.

I swear I didn’t know there really were such things as green adult “toys”.

And so, in the interest of research (yeah HA!)…

I researched.

OMG!

OK… most of the toys I could figure out…

But there were some that…hmmm?

Uh…is it just me? Some looked like kitchen gadgets..

And two in particular looked like can openers. I swear!

(not sure if a pun was intended here or not)

After staring at the toys for awhile…

And still not being able to figure a few out…

I wondered…

Am I that old? That out of touch? (no pun intended)

Or…

Is it possible I’m still innocent at my age?

I’d ask that same question of you but…

That would be way too personal.

So instead I’ll ask you…

What are you doing/have done green this month?

Always, Em-Musing

ONCE UPON A WEEKEND

Imagine you’re in a cabin somewhere…

Or if you prefer, you’re at a beach cottage.

Someone dropped you off  this morning…

And will pick you up on Sunday evening.

It’s your weekend…

To do whatever you want.

So I’m guessing because you’re a writer…

You’ll use this time to write, right?

OK, so now you’re all comfy and cozy…

With a glass of your favorite beverage…

When–

All of a sudden…

You sense something…

In your gut…

Inclement weather? I’m talking storm of the millennium.

Something nuclear? Either war or spill.

Or–something.

And as the fates always seem to do…

Your electronics suddenly don’t work…

But seeing that I’m the author of this little story…

I’m going to allow one of them to work for you…

Which one will you choose to help you survive your weekend?

Your cell phone?

Your computer?

The TV?

Or?

Well, you’re a writer…

You tell me what you felt in your gut

And how to finish the story.

 Remember, it's your weekend.

Always, Em-Musing

EM JERKY

For a few weeks…

The temps had been tolerable...

And the furnace hadn’t been kicking on.

But this last week…

The temps dropped, the furnace kicked on…

And now I feel like someone dropped kicked me—again.

My skin is bone dry…

My sinuses are bone dry…

Even my eyes are bone dry.

If I don’t move to the tropics of Akumal…

And make my Spiritual/Writer Retreat…

Sooner rather than later…

I’m going to wind up getting so dry…

I’ll turn into nothing more than…

An an old piece of human jerky.

Waaaa!

Well, at least I still have moisture for tears.

Always, Em-Musing

I'M WATCHING AS FAST AS I CAN

It’s no wonder I’m getting AADD…

And can’t concentrate on my W.I.P.

For longer than a few seconds at a time.

It’s TV’s fault!

Hey, don’t scoff, I can prove it.

The other day when got power to the TV again…

I made dinner, sat down…

Picked up the TV remote and surfed…

Stopping when I got to the 1996 movie…

Cagney and Lacey: True Convictions.

While I ate my homemade chicken soup…

I occurred to me that I felt happy, relaxed…

Was it the soup?

Watching Sharon Gless  and Tyne Daly act?

Was it–

Wait a minute!

It wasn’t the soup or the women…

It was my eyes! And my mind!

They weren’t jumping trying to make sense…

Of hundreds of 3 sec camera moves and angles…

The camera actually stayed on each scene…

For as long as the scene needed…

For story development…

For character interaction…

Even for some well placed humor.

And my eyes weren’t bouncing in their sockets…

Trying to keep up with the steady cam shots…

(which in my opinion are anything but steady)

It’s true! Don’t’ believe me?

Watch any current TV show or movie…

And count how long the camera stays on any one scene.

See?

And sometimes there’s even two scenes per screen!

Like in Burn Notice.

Stop already!

My life if busy and rushed enough!

I don’t want to watch TV…

Only to feel more busy and rushed...

And have my eyes feel...

Like they just watched a ping pong tournament for an hour.

I know pacing is important…

But c’mon!

What about you?

Do you like the fast pacing in TV shows and movies?

How do you handle pacing in your stories?

Always, Em-Musing

ADAPT A BRAIN

I turned on my TV last week…

Nada.

Hmm?

The TV isn’t that old.

I investigated…

All wires were still securely plugged…

And the power strip light was still on.

Hmm?

So I got out the ol’ instruction booklet…

And discovered the AC adapter light wasn’t on…

The AC adapter had died.

(I wasn’t even aware the adapter wasn’t part of the TV)

Anyway, being that I’m the, “I can find anything on the Internet gal”…

I went on-line and bought a new one…

It’d ship in a few days.… a few days?

That’s when I went into a bit of a funk.…

I mean, it’s not like I watch that much TV…

But still, I do enjoy the news and a few shows.

And of course I used this down time…

To read my stack of trade mags and work on my W.I.P …

But I still felt sort of—out of sorts.

And that’s when it occurred to me…

My TV working, but losing power…

Felt a bit like me when I get writer’s block…

You know…my brain is there, but it’s not working!

And then yesterday the new AC adapter came in the mail.

I tore open the package, plugged it in and—voila!

Power! Yeah! TV! Yeah!

And that’s when voila! Something else occurred to me…

Wouldn't it be great if there was an adapter for brains…

For the times when your brain is on…

But the creative power isn’t working.

What do you think?

Could you ever use brain adapter?

Always, Em-Musing

SPRING BORED

What’s your favorite season?

Here in the Midwest, many answer…

“SPRING!

Oh the flowers are coming up…

Everything is turning green…

The temperatures are perfect…

Yada yada yada…”

Yeah, I get it…

After months of drear…

Who doesn't want flowers, warmth and green, right?

TODAY'S FORECAST: CLOUDY, DRIZZLES, WIND ADVISORY, HIGH 48.

And this has been the forecast for the last 30 days…

And will be for the next week, at least.

So I’m curious…

After decades of springs like this…

What spring is everyone talking about?

The one on postcards? Calendars?

Perhaps I’m just more impatient than most…

It seems I’ve been waiting for lots of things lately…

Like getting an agent and being published.

So I guess when it comes down to weather…

I have no patience anymore…

I’m tired of waiting for pretty…

Just get here already!

Alright?

What about you?

Where you live, do you have beautiful springs?

And if spring isn’t your favorite season, what is?

Always, Em-Musing

WHAT RULES YOU?

Do you believe in fate?

Magic?

Luck?

Odds?

Astrology?

“Mercury is in retrograde,” a friend announced last week.

She went on to explain why that was important to know.

“Don’t sign contracts, engage in making important decisions.”

Well that’s just ducky…I signed three contracts in the past week.

(non of which was with a literary agent of course)

“Cars, computers and other electronics easily break down."

Hmm? My TV went out and my ozonator.

“Miscommunication is a big problem now.”

Huh! I have had some miscommunications recently.

Well, the Scorpio in me had to investigate this retrograde phenomenon.

And so I Googled…

Seems all my friend said was true (damn)…

And Mercury will be retrograde until the 23^rd of April (damn)…

But as always…

There’s a flip side to all this negative heavenly body movement…

The purpose of Mercury retrograde is to review and revise our life

and our connection with reality. The timing of this universe is geared

 toward the Sun as it moves through the zodiac and is important in

the major adjustments as we move our efforts to organize, plan and

launch our innovative resourcefulness into new directions .

So?

What will I concentrate on?

The negative or the positive aspects of Mercury?

Does how I think even matter?

Don’t I have any say-so in the universe?

Or is everything left up to the planets and stars?

Well, now that my Spiritual/Writer Retreat in Akumal is moving forward…

I'm choosing to align my thoughts and efforts...

And look beyond Mercury's path to the brighter aspects of the sun.

(but I will do a "phew" when Mercury goes out of retrograde)

What about you?

Do you believe in astrology?

Has Mercury in retrograde affected you?

Always, Em-Musing

WRITING RANGE

I’ve been taking shooting lessons.

I guess at my age, knitting might be a more appropriate hobby…

But knitting doesn’t make me feel safe…

If an intruder broke in and was approaching, I don’t think…

“STOP! I have a knitting needle and I’m not afraid to jab you!”

Would be as effective as…

“STOP! I have a gun and I’m not afraid to use it!”

Lately, I’ve been feeling the need to protect myself…

And although I’m not sure whether I’m ready to buy a handgun…

(it’s a serious responsibility)

 I am feeling empowered just going to the range and shooting.

After taking a course in safety…

I finally went on the range.

Donning safety glasses and ear muffs…

I’m looking down the barrel of a 22 revolver…

As the instructor reminds me…

To line up the first sight with the rear sight…

And to keep my eye on the sight…

Not the target.

Hmm?

I would have thought the target is where I want the bullet to go.

I squint, I aim, I pull the trigger and–

Not even close.

“You’re looking at the target,” the instructor says…

“and not keeping your eye on the sight. And you’re

‘pulling’ the trigger not 'squeezing' it.”

With my adrenaline pumping, I take aim again.

"Take a deep breath, try to relax," the instructor says.

I fired off a few more shots. Still off target.

“You must apply continuous, smooth pressure to the trigger

without disturbing the alignment of the sights until the gun discharges.”

Finally, after not too many more shots…

I focus just on the sights, I line them up and–

HA! Almost bull’s-eye!

On the drive home I got to thinking about my writing…

Am I too focused on the target of being published...

And not keeping in sight that I must continue to send submissions?

And that if I do get another rejection...

All I have to do is relax, reload, and fire again.

How about you?

What are you focusing on?

The sight? Or the target?

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I'm also going to be taking a "Non-lethal" course in self-defense.