BUTT, WHY?

Today I’m blogging over at MVRWA

It's my writer group...

Maumee Valley Romance Writers of America.

Click on over…

And check out my butt.

Always, Em-Musing. 


Have a great weekend!!

REDRUMP REDRUMP!

In the jungle where I’ll live…

Are many cats:

Jaguars, pumas, margays…

Ocelots, and jaguarundis…

And soon…

There’ll be the biggest cat of all…

Me!

The Scardey cat.

Hi, my name is Leigh…

And I’m scared of spiders…

And now, more than ever, tarantulas.

As many of you know who’ve read previous posts…

I have a morbid fear of spiders.

But! I refuse to let fear rule me…

So I’ve decided to get help…

With my spiderphobia.

And it all started when I was a kid.

My sister used to catch spiders…

You know the kind…

The small ones the color of boogers…

She would then throw them on me.

While I flailed all over the house…

She was bent over in a fit of hilarity.

And then one night, there was a spider on my ceiling.

I screamed for my dad.

He flies in, sees the spider and—THWAP!

But he missed…

Causing the spider to fall in my bed!

We pulled the sheets and blankets off…

But couldn’t find the monster.

And then, horror of horrors…

My dad wanted me to sleep in that bed…

Telling me the spider was more scared of me…

Than I of it.

Really dad? Are you kidding me?

I know I’m only six…

But I ain’t buying that cockamamie story.

You’re supposed to be my hero.

I never trusted my dad to kill spiders after that…

And I’ve lived in fear ever since.

But how can I live happily in my jungle…

Being a afraid of tarantulas?

I’m not sure how I’ll do it…

But I WILL conquer my fear.

And just so you can see what I’m dealing with…

Check out this hairy guy I spotted…

ON ...

MY...

PROPERTY...

Yesterday…

BY...
MY...
FOOT!
*breath*

*breathe*

He is a Mexican redrump tarantula.

Where’s a therapist when you need one.

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. and just so you know, I looked at tarantula

web-sites for a half hour trying to find the name

of my tarantula. I got the chills and goose bumps

the whole time…but I survived.

*breathe*

IT'S A JUNGLE IN HERE!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*BREATHE*

I’m not a sissy, OK?

But I just saw my first jungle spider…

And it wasn’t in the jungle…

IT WAS IN MY CONDO!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*BREATHE*

Yeah, yeah…

I can hear you now…

“Leigh, you moved to the tropics…

What did you expect?”

Yes, of course I expected to see spiders….

Just not spiders as big as a king crab!

*BREATHE*

OK, maybe it wasn’t the size of a king crab…

How about a small crab?

Where’s an iguana when you need one?

And then…

And then…

I just saw my first tarantula…

Strolling across the street on the way to the beach.

It was SO big, cars stopped to let it pass.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*BREATHE*

*BREATHE*

So the question begs to be asked…

Why was the tarantula crossing the street?
Me? I don't care why he was crossing...
Just as long as he's going in the opposite direction.

Always, Em-Musing

WHAT HAIRDOS MAY COME?

Hey!

Something happened to me during the night…

I woke up with a different hairdo.

Seriously!

And not just a little bit different…

But it’s as if a stylist came in and did my ‘do’.

I’ve had weird dreams that are hard to interpret…

But hairdos?

And actually I like it parted this way and being fluffier.

So?

Did my alter ego sneak in during the night…

And coif me?

Thoughts anyone?

C'mon writers...
And creative thinkers...
Got a plot?

Because as they saying “the plot thickens”goes …

So did my hair.

What happened while I slept?

Always, Em-Musing

THANKS, GUYS!

Just want to share…

A celebration at my house yesterday.

The last of the concrete for my roof was poured…

(And it rained, a good omen. Helps cure the concrete.)

As the culture goes here…

When that particular crew is done...

They celebrate with a big cookout.

Yesterday, beef, goat and lots of beer were on the menu.

It was a great time!

Wish I could have been there…

But…

I was not invited.

Yup, although it’s my house…

And my dinero paid for the food…

I’m a woman…

And not wanted at this celebration of men only.

I may not understand it…

I may not like it…

But I respect that this is how it is here.

I asked my builder to take some pics…

And here they are.

 

Have a great weekend…

I know my guys will…

I gave them today off—PAID!

Hope they appreciate my culture.

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I did get to eat the food…

My builder brought a plate for me.

THE SECRET FLIGHT OF EM-MITTY

It all started with a Yahoo on my flight home yesterday…

You know the kind…

Always jabbering trying to make people laugh.

Well, I’m at the end of an exit row, he’s across from me…

And as the flight attendant...

Is explaining the responsibilities…

Of sitting in an exit row and asking if we’re all capable…

Yahoo is making jokes about if the plane crashed…

How strong he is to open the emergency door.

OK Yahoo! You’re in my radar now!

The plane no sooner hits 35,000 feet…

And Yahoo is fidgety and stands up.

Oh, no! He’s up at the front of the plane…

Talking with the flight attendants!

Hey! No one is allowed by the cockpit!

Flight attendants! Pay attention!

Don’t you know he's up to no good?

Quit giggling with him and make him sit down!

NO? OK, fine. I'll do it. 

So I turn on the ‘light'. The attendants stop talking…

One airhead attendant comes my way…

Ha ha ha! Broke up your little tête-à-tête, didn’t I?

Now Yahoo comes back to his seat.

I order a Coke…

Lord!  He still can sit still.

He’s looking around like he’s got evil on his agenda.

That’s it! I just might have to take you down myself…

Because obviously the flight attendants are clueless!

Hmm? Let’s see. What can I use as a weapon?

I know! I’ll take my Writer's Digest...
And THWAP your head with it!
Then I'll POKE your eyes out with the corner of my book!

And BLOW the foam of my Coke in your empty sockets. Yes!

Or I’ll TRIP you with my huge travel purse…

Then KARATE CHOP your Adam’s apple…

And then…

And then…

And then…

“We are now making our final approach to Cancun…

Please turn off all electronics, yada yada yada.”

Whaa? I fell asleep?

Wait! I’m safe! Phew!

Guess Yahoo wasn’t a terrorist after all…

But I tell you, if he was?

I'd have taken him DOWN!

So?

Ever have any 'secret' flights of your own?

Or ever traveled with a yahoo?

Always, Em-Musing

THE LIGHTS OF RIA LAGARTOS

Friday afternoon…

I was frustrated because I still had no Internet…  

(just got it back last night)

So I decided to accept an invitation for the weekend…
And go to Rio Lagartos…

A small fishing village on the Gulf of Mexico…

Just two hours from where I live, across the Yucatan.

There, the fishermen catch a variety fish in the day…

And at night, octopus, lured by crabs…

Attach to bamboo poles on both ends of their boat.

Saturday, ten A.M., Alberth, my guide for the day arrived.

I climbed into a small motor boat…

And off we went to the brackish waters of Ria Lagartos…

A biosphere reserve...
And a nesting site for flamingos…

Osprey, egrets, eagles, cormorants…

And some 383 other bird species.

From there we went across a stretch of the Gulf...

To a secluded beach Inhabited by no one.

I was mesmerized by the sheer isolation.

After a few hours…

Alberth took us across the Gulf again to San Felipe…

Another fishing village. After dining on the fresh catch…

We headed back to my quaint hotel…

Only four rooms there; mine with a view of the docks.

I thought the day couldn’t get more awesome…

But around ten in the evening…

Alberth arrived with a bottle of tequila…

I drank a shot, he three…

And we headed off again for the inlets.

But now, everything around us was dark as pitch…

Didn’t matter…

Alberth zoomed the small boat across to the lagoon.

I wondered if he really could see where he was going…

Or was the tequila giving him a bravado I wasn’t feeling.

Abruptly he cut the engine…

And the air exploded with movement and light…

Flying fish flew everywhere…

And as they emerged…

The water’s spray glowed whitish-green…

Caused by one-celled organisms called dinoflagelletes.

Alberth then shone a spotlight…

Scanning the mangroves looking for the green eyes…

Of Caribbean crocodiles.

We no sooner spotted a pair…

Then Alberth aimed the boat towards the croc.

I held my breath not knowing what to expect...

Because, OMG! I was told these crocs can leap 4 feet!

Alberth cut the engine and the boat eased towards the croc…

I could see the whole body of the beast…

But as we inched got closer, the croc submerged.

Alberth then shone the spotlight down on the water…

And beneath, a whole other world…

So many crabs, catfish, gar and other fish…

That I could have reached down and scooped them up.

Nothing however…

Compared with show up above.

With no town lights to interfere…

The Perseid meteor showers played out in the heavens...

More stars than I’d ever seen in my life.

After an hour, we headed back…

I was thrilled that I spied at least ten shooting stars…

Their tails visible across half the sky.

Alberth claimed to have seen twenty-six.

Truth or tequila? I have no idea.

Didn’t matter…

It was the most magical night of my life.

So, tell me…

Did you see the meteors?

And have you ever had a magical night?

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. Rio Lagartos is the town, 
     Ria Lagartos is the lagoon.

AYE OF THE STORM

OK…

Don’t scold me…

I’d never wish anyone harm…

But yesterday was rather exciting…

Waiting for Hurricane Ernesto.

Seven huge ferries…

Came into the marina here where I stay—Wow!

After unplugging my electronics last night…

I went to bed.

As the winds howled...

I hunkered under the covers and thought…

How strange of me to anticipate this hurricane…

I would never get excited…

Waiting for a tornado to hit or a volcano to erupt.

However, I used to get this same feeling…

Waiting for blizzards back in the States…

I’d stock up, hunker down…and wait.

This morning, the winds are even stronger…

And the sky is still pitch dark.

Amazingly though…

The electricity is still on, and my Internet.

I then tracked Ernesto…

And according to the weather map…

I’m in the eye of the hurricane as I write.

Aye, eye, aye!

Thrilling!

(Barring anyone getting hurt or homeless)

So?

Anyone else as weird as me...

And like a good storm?

Always, Em-Musing

FEEL THE PRESSURE

I left something back in the states…

That I never wanted to encounter again…

And it’s one of the reasons…

I escaped here to the blue sky and salt air…

Of the Caribbean.

I thought I’d run far enough away…

But then yesterday…

It found me…

‘It’ being Pressure.

Oh, not pressure like an impending deadline…

But pressure like in atmospheric…

When low pressure causes the barometer to fall…

Like what happens during storms and hurricanes.

Back in Ohio where I used to live…

I was subjected to the Lake Erie Effect…

Low air pressure would hover for days…

And headaches played a major role in my life.

So far while living here I’ve been headache free.

But Tropical Storm Ernesto is heading this way…

And it could turn into a hurricane.

Thankfully, it will skim past where I live…

But yesterday the air pressure already started lowering.

My brain can't calculate barometric reading...

But my sinuses can...

They can go from 'oy' to 'OW' in mere minutes.

Yesterday was an 'OW' day...

And I was down for the count.

Thankfully, this morning the rains have come...

And my headache is gone.

Did the air pressure change?

Is my head acclimating?

Or is all the Aleve finally working?

Not sure...

But so far it's an “AH” day.

So?

Anyone else's head a human barometer?

What do you do to ease the pressure?

Always, Em-Musing

FLUSHING FEAT

Wow…

So exciting, the Olympics...

I’m really into the spirit of the games...

And since living here in Mexico…

I’ve taken up certain maneuvers myself…

That require Olympic precision like…

The ‘Squat, Hover, and Balance’…

The, ‘Stand, Pivot and Toss…

The Gather, Flush, and Squeeze.’

What?

You never heard of ”El Bano Olympics…

Otherwise known as the fine art of toilet humping…

And other meticulous bathroom callisthenics?

And it’s all because the sewer systems here are small…

And throwing wet toilet paper down the loo is a no, no…

So you have to toss it in a basket…

That’s always behind you.

And then there are the size of the stalls, also small…

Obviously to accommodate the local women.

I feel like Gulliver in Lilliput.

I mean really?

Couldn’t the builder...

Have made the stalls just one inch bigger?

I know all you women KNOW what I’m talking about….

It’s about you and your clothing…

Not touching ‘anything’ in the stall...

Especially if something is left from the previous user.

Oh, you guys have it made.

You have no idea…

What acrobatics we women go through...

And that’s just when we’re solo...

Imagine a toddler in there too.

As far as I know for the most part….

The only maneuver you guys have to do is…

Zip, Whip ‘n’ Wizz.

The bano odds are definitely in your favor.

Always, Em-Musing

WINNING GOAL

SCORE!

A goal for me!

I got my FM-2 visa…

I am now a Mexican resident!

Oh, I’m still a citizen of the U.S.A…

I’ll never give that up…

But I am no longer a tourist…

And I’m so excited…

For many reasons…

And one being...

That while the Olympics are still going on…

I have two countries to root for.

SCORE!

SCORE!

Have a great weekend…

And I hope the country you’re rooting for wins gold...

But then…

If your country wins gold…

That would mean my two countries didn't.

Oh well….

Let the games continue…

And let the best athlete win.

Always, Em-Musing

JUNK IN THE TRUNK

Are you watching the Olympics?

I am…

But because I’ve had guests for more than a week…

It seems the only sport I seem to catch…

Is men’s diving.

As a writer…

You and I know that details...
Are essential for all good stories...

So...

It's not my fault that I wonder about these details:

Do the men divers shave or wax their body hair?

Where does the hair removal stop?

How skimpier can the men diver's bathing suits get?

Why can’t all the athletes wear skimpy suits?

Why am I focused on the diver’s packages…

To see which country scores the biggest?
See what  mean? Details!

Well...

My guests are gone now…

Back to normal life…

And different Olympic competitions...

And more exciting details.

So?

If you are watching the Olympics…

What details are you noticing?

Always, Em-Musing