WRITER'S FEET REWRITE HISTORY

I believe the wheel was not invented by caveman…

So his life would be easier...
But rather by cavewoman…

Because of her feet. 
Let me explain…
Since I’ve been here in the tropics of Mexico…
My feet have widened…
My bunions have doubled in size…
And my calluses have thickened every which way.
“Beach feet!” my friend Donna told me.
“Huh?” I said.
“From going barefoot and wearing flip flops all the time.”
“Why?”
“Shoes kept your feet in place.
Now your feet are all over the place.”
And that’s when I knew why the wheel was invented.
My theory goes like this…
When caveman made shoes for cavewoman…
Her feet looked better...
From then on she wouldn’t settle for wide, callused feet anymore…
No more going barefoot in the brambles and over rocks…

But then she didn't want her shoes to get dirty...
So she demanded the wheel to be invented…
So she could be wheeled around and not ruin her shoes.
So next time you scoff at how many shoes women need…
Remember…
If it wasn’t for women loving their shoes…
To keep their feet neat…
The wheel would never had been invented.
I think the history of the wheel needs to be edited.
So?
Anyone else experience beach feet?
Or got an addition to shoes?

Always, Em-Musing

AUTHOR IN A JAR

Ah…
A new year…
And for me…
A little reverse concept…
It’s, out with the new...
And in with the old…
Face creams that is. 

(don’t laugh) 
Each year, my New Year’s Resolution is…

To finish all jars of face cream…
Before I buy another. 
(I said don’t laugh) 
You see, I buy so many creams…

I could stock a warehouse.
Not only have I bought all these creams…
But I also bought the hype—Youth in a Bottle!
After looking at all the jars and tubes…
My brain scrambles…
Trying not to calculate how much I spent on them.
And then…
A thought popped up…
Like a middle-aged pimple…
What if I combined all the creams?
Would it create the ubberist cream of all?
Or would each cancel the other out?
I figured at least I should try before I pitch them…
You see, as a writer...
I’m on a mission to stay looking good…
For when I become a published author. 
(I said don’t laugh) 
But then...
I can’t be the only writer worried about image…
What about you?
Do you have an image of you as an author…
That you maintain?
What is it?

Always, Em-Musing

WRITING COMPANIONS

If you’ve ever traveled to another country…

You know you have to fill out a customs form…

To answer questions like…

Are you carrying pathogens, samples…

Goo gobs of money, etc,etc.

Of course I always answer, no.

Then…

Just a few days ago:

Scenario: Customs at Cancun airport.

Characters: Me and a Mexican customs agent a.k.a MCA

MCA:  Are you a salesperson?

Me:    Am I a salesperson? No! (laughs, unwisely)

MCA:  Then why do you have a dozen of these boxes?

Me:    (getting excited) They’re my Swiffers! I just moved into

         my new home. I need these to clean. And if my 

         house isn’t clean, I can’t concentrate and write. 

         You see, I’m a writer.

MCA:  Why don’t you buy them here in Mexico?

Me:    I can’t get Swiffers in Mexico. I tried everywhere.

MCA:  Why don’t you just use a broom or mop like 

         Mexican women?

Me:    (getting more excited)  Because nothing cleans a 

        floor better than Swiffers.

MCA:  (looking at me like I’m a nut) And these bottle and cans?

Me:    Oh, that’s Old English and my stainless steel 

        cleaner.

MCA:  Are you sure you’re not a salesperson?

Me:    No, really! I’m Swedish.

MCA:  What does that have to do with it?

Me:    Next to sex, we Swedes love to clean.

MCA:  (clearly NOT amused)

Me:    (getting teary eyed realizing that was a stupid thing to say)

          You’re not going to take away my Swiffers are you?

MCA:  Glares at my stash of cleaning products then 

         waves me on.

Me:    Muchas gracias! Muchas, muchas gracias!

Phew! That was a close call. And really, please don’t think I have OCD…

It’s just that a girl has to clean how a girl likes to clean so she can write. Right?

And what about you?

How right does your world have to be to write?

Or...

If you moved to another country…

What product couldn’t you function without?

Always, Em-Musing

HAPPY NEW GOALS

*cough*
*clear throat*
*take a deep breath*
and…
WRITE!
Phew…
Back from the holidays…
Getting in gear for the new year…
Got my creativity revved…
Resolutions in perspective…
Goals in line...
And I’m ready to go.
How about you?
Did you make new goals for your writing?
Were they a continuation of the same?
Or have you mapped out a new path or genre?

Always, Em-Musing
 

...THE END...

It’s now the end of my blogging this year…

Of course, I’ll be back next year…

That is..

Dun dun DUN...

If the end of the Mayan long calendar…

Really is about ending a cycle of the earth…

And it’s not the end of the world.

With my move into my new house this week…

And all that that entails…

Plus my sister coming in today…

And then my travel back to the States for Christmas…

I just don’t see me sitting long enough…

To think...

Let alone blogging and social networking.

So I wish you all Happy Holidays.

But let me ask you one last question…

If 12-21-12 does happen to be the end of the world…

Do you have any regrets so far as your writing?

And if the sun also rises on the 22^nd…

Will you make changes in 2013?

And what will they be?

Also...

Do you have plans for the 21st?

Me?

I'll be in Ek Balam, a Mayan ruin...

Watching the sun rise at 5:11.

So...

No matter what...

I'll see you on the other side in 2013...

 

Always, Em-Musing

I, ROBOT?

I’m a robot?

I’m a robot!

I must be…

Because I can’t prove I’m not.
Every attempt…

On word verification boxes…

To put in the jumbled letters…

Fails!

I used to be able to put the letters in…

But not anymore.

What does this mean?

Perhaps I’m a robot and don’t know it…

Like in sci-fi novels or movies…

When people think they’re people…

Only to find out they’re not real…

That they’re either a robot or an alien.

Hmm, I can’t remember which movies though…

Oh, wait….

Hahahahahaha!

Obviously, I’m not a robot after all…

Because if I was…

My programming wouldn’t let me forget things right?

So, phew! I’m human after all!

But seriously folks…

If you have a blog…

And use those word verification boxes…

For the sake of my sanity…

But more because I really want to leave a comment...

Would you please stop?

How about you?

Do word verifications make you crazy?

Or make feel like a robot?

Always, Em-Musing

LIAR LIAR HEART ON FIRE

I hate liars…

Unfortunately…

I might be one soon.

I’ll explain, but first let me start with this….

When you know something…

About someone’s spouse…

And you do not tell…

For fear that what you know would devastate them…

Is that lying?

I don’t think so…

Unless that is…

You’ve made a prior agreement with them…

That if you find out a dirty secret…

They would want you to tell them.

OK, for now I’m in the clear.

But what happens…

When they find out about that dirty secret…

And ask you if I knew?

Then what?

Do you tell the truth, the whole truth…

And nothing but the truth…

Knowing it’s going to devastate them?

Or do you lie?

And let’s say, for arguments sake, you lie…

To save their heart…

And then later they find out you’ve lied…

Won’t that be another betrayal?

But then, if you tell them you knew…

But chose not to tell them…

Won’t they feel like a fool?

Lord!

Why does life have to be so difficult?

What about you?

What would you do in this situation?

Say nothing?

Tell the truth?

Or lie?

And have you ever been in this situation?

How did it turn out? 
Oh...
Which one were you?
The betrayed?
Or the liar?

Always, Em-Musing

SEASON OF THINKING

They say it’s better to give than receive..

Me? I’m reconsidering.

With Christmas soon approaching…

This doesn’t just mean I have to shop…

It means I have to do more thinking…

And I have enough to think about already.

If I ask my daughters what they want for Christmas…

They always say…

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Anything is fine.”

Really?

You may want to change that answer…

Because there’s a sale on BBs at Cabela’s…

Or shoe expanders at Overstock.com.

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!

Kids, on the other hand…

Always know what they want…

Plus they have Santa to tell their choices to…

And all moms and dads have to do is take notes.

Easy peasy.

Grownups, on the other hand…

Always make my brain scramble…

Because I have to come up with something…

I didn’t give them last year…

Something I can afford….

And something they will really appreciate.

I think there should be a Cyber Santa…

Where adults can go and sit on Cyber Santa’s lap…

And there they can tell him what they want…

Then all we gift givers have to do is…

Check their list.

Think of it like a Santa Registry.

Then all we'd have to do is choose, buy, wrap, and give.

Easy peasy.

So…

Other than sitting there watching with anticipation…

While the gift you’ve given is being opened…

And watching the recipient break out in a big smile…

What about gift giving…

Do you think is better than receiving?

Always, Em-Musing.

BEE, ALL THAT YOU CAN BE

I was sitting by a pool yesterday…

And an ant was there by me…

Walking back and forth…

To and fro…

For what? I have no clue.

I do know that their behavior…

Means something to them…

And it’s what they’re meant to do.

Well, that got me thinking…

Wouldn’t it be nice to know from birth…

What you’re meant to do?

I mean, the ant doesn’t have to decide…

Do I want to work or be lazy today?

Should I be doing something else in life?

And the ant wasn’t even distracted…

By human feet walking by almost crushing it…

He just redirected his path and continued on.

What a concept: redirect and continue on.

I then looked at everything around me…

Trees, flowers, birds, a gecko, even a bee…

They all had purpose…

All knew from the beginning of their existence…

What their destiny was. Without question.

None had to ask, “Why am I here? What’s my purpose?”

Hmm?

How peaceful not to have to question your destiny.

So?

Are you still wondering and searching?

Have you figured out your destiny?

And if so…

What helped you come to that realization?

Always, Em-Musing

EMOTIONAL RIPPING

I love the honesty of toddler’s behavior.

They just let their emotions RRRRIIIIPPPPPPP!

And while they’re flailing around screaming in public…

You’re saying in your head…

SHADUP!!!!!

But you got to admit…

Their emotions are genuine…

And really…

Don’t you wish you could really do the same…

When you’re going through say…

A drive-thru bank line that won’t move…

And you’re stuck in the middle…

And you’re already late for something…

Don’ t you wish you could just let it rip…

“WHAT THE ‘F’ IS TAKING SO LONG?

WOULD THE IDIOT WITH A THOUSAND TRANSACTIONS JUST GO INSIDE!

Or you go to a big box store…

And all you want is to get in and get out quickly…

But you’re wandering around…

Looking for someone to answer a simple question…

Like what’s the price of the electric can opener…

And you’ve combed all thirty aisles TEN TIMES…

Don’t you wish you could just scream…

WHERE THE ‘F’ IS EVERYBODY?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Or when you’re in say, in a Verizon store…

Needing an answer to a simple question…

About your new 'smart' phone...

And the young woman behind the counter…

Looks at you like you’re Grandma Moses…

And talks to you like you’re two without a clue..

Don’t you wish you could just scream…

LISTEN YOU LITTLE SNOT…

I WAS AROUND…

WHEN COMPUTERS FIRST CAME OUT…

I KNOW DOS! THAT’S RIGHT, DOS!

SO, DON’T CONDESCEND TO ME, MISSY!

So,

The next time you see a toddler screaming…

Be envious…

That they’re displaying their real emotions...

Because soon…

Those real emotions...
Will be spanked or punished out of them.

So?

When do you wish you…

Could just let your emotions RRIIIIPPPPPPP!

Always, Em-Musing