Thursday, November 18, 2010

THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND VOICES

Last week…
On the plane heading to Mexico…
I was reading The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.
However, before Mexico came Ft. Lauderdale…
Where I changed planes…
And got a phone call.
A situation had occurred back home…
And I might have to make important decisions.
I struggled with my conscience, I didn't want to go back
But I should, shouldn't I?
After all, this is what responsible people do—right?
Because if I continued on…
What would everyone think about me? Say about me?
Selfish, is what I’d be considered, wouldn’t I?
But darn it!
I so wanted to go to Mexico on this spiritual journey.
A few more phone calls later…
My confliction was even more intense
I sat there almost frozen, not knowing what to do.
To clear my mind, I picked up The Four Agreements again…
And came upon the chapter about the mitote…
Which is described as the chaos of a thousand different voices
All talking in our minds
And these voices are other people’s feelings, words and desires…
That shape our lives…
And how we unknowingly yet willingly…
Pick up those same feelings, words and desires…
And make them our own voice in our head…
Creating within us the “judge” and the “critic”…
And when we do this, we live our life in a dishonest way…
Behaving to please others…
Rather than being true to what would make ourselves happy.
And so I was faced with a choice:
Turn around, go back home and please everyone else?
Or proceed and do what pleases me and makes me happy?
It then suddenly occurred to me…
That I possess no special magic…
That to be physically in Toledo wouldn’t change anything…
And all decisions could be made via phone.
And so I overcame the “judge” and “critic” in my mind…
And continued on
But it was not easy…
A lifetime of the mitote is hard to shake.
As the plane took off I realized something else…
I wasn’t heading to Mexico for my spiritual journey…
My spiritual journey had already begun.
And so
Do you ever wonder
Whose journey are you on? 

Always, Em-Musing
P.S. I had to make no decision while I was gone

6 comments:

Anne Gallagher said...

Every day I listen to the voices in my head. They're usually my mother's. I've rebelled against her journey for years. She still doesn't get the fact we're not the same people.

I'm so glad the trip worked out for you.

Em-Musing said...

Thanks, Anne.

Jessica Bell said...

Very good question! Whose journey am I on? Mine! And always will be. From now on. I used to be on someone elses. But then I had what you might call a nervousy breaky downy thingy. And ever since I think of me first. And then others. Because if I'm not happy, neither will anyone else be around me. :o) Great post. And thanks for reading my interview over at Matts today.:o)

Sarah Nicolas said...

Yay! LOVE THIS! I honestly don't think my "mitote" has much say in my life lately, which is working out great for me! I spent a good amount of time trying to be what everyone else wanted and I was miserable.

I get a lot of flack because I try to live my life by what I want (which isn't actually as selfish as it sounds, turns out), but I don't see how anyone can be happy any other way.

Elana Johnson said...

Oh, all the time. I think it's a good idea to contemplate this from time to time, actually.

Samantha Vérant said...

I love the way you write/post! And I agree. Things that have already happened can not be changed.