Oh no…
Something’s brewing…
(not coffee)
In my gut
(not vomit)
It’s a familiar sensation…
That starts like a dull gnaw…
Then slithers through my psyche…
Growing and festering…
Until a full blown case of…
DOUBT!
Settles in.
I hate it!
I don’t always know why it starts…
I’m an upbeat person most of the time…
I always see the brighter side of life…
I laugh a lot with friends…
I’m always looking for a comedy on TV…
But I got another rejection letter…
Actually three this last week.
Seems like everyone in my wiriter group is moving ahead…
But me.
I have a recurring daymare that one day…
My neighbors will find me…
On the floor by my laptop…
I’ll be withered and worn…
My cup of coffee green with fuzz…
My nightgown yellow with sweat and tears…
Around me will be stacks of papers.
“What’s this?” someone will ask.
“Why, they’re all letters,” another one will say.
“Rejection letters,” a paramedic will add. “Seen it before.”
“Rejection letters,” a paramedic will add. “Seen it before.”
‘Really? What’s happened to her?”
“She got a bad case of delusion. Happens all the time.”
“Really?”
“Yes, to all wannabe writers”
The neighbors will make that “tsch, tsch,” sound with their tongue.
“Could it have been prevented?” another neighbor will ask.
“Absolutely,” the paramedic will say. “Someone should have told this woman years ago…
“Yes? Yes?” the neighbors will all chime together.
“That her writing stinks.”
NO!
I will not give in to these sad thoughts!
I will not give up on my dream!
I will not drink a shot of tequila till tonight…
I will send another query out today!
(Or, God forbid, revise it again)
I will call my friend and tell her to make me laugh…
I will have hope.
Because RWA Nationals is coming…
And I've got to muster up all the self confidence I can…
In hopes of pitching.
Always Em-Musing
