DARWIN'S KITCHEN

When I entered my kitchen this morning…

To make coffee—OW!

I stubbed my toe—again!

And it’s not because I’m a klutz…

Although I’ve been known to be one…

But rather it’s because there is no toe kick…

And that’s not all that’s wrong in this kitchen either…

The counters are not high enough…

So I’m forever leaning over at an angle…

That hurts my back.

And there is no logic to how the cabinets are placed…

The whole room just doesn’t function well.

And then suddenly…

Like a spark of lightening…

A thought struck…

Hmm?

I didn’t see this kitchen being built…

Let alone see the builder who built it…

In fact, I don’t even know who the builder is…

And the flow of this kitchen…

Defies intelligent design.

So?

The only conclusion I can come up with is…

My kitchen came into existence by mere chance…

Random molecules of wood, ceramic tile, and stainless steel…

Must have either BANGED into each other haphazardly…

Or swam around in some primordial tropical soup…

And after some “time”—voila! The kitchen appeared…

With sink, cabinets, countertop…

And all the appliances in place.

No, it’s not perfect…

But I believe that after enough “time”…

This kitchen will evolve and be flawless.

For now though….

I’m just wondering…

How long will it take my coffeemaker…

To advance into a higher species…

And become an espresso machine?

Always, Em-Musing

I FEEL BAD

I couldn’t let the day pass…

Without mentioning the passing of Nora Ephron…

If you’ve never heard of her…

Check this Wikipedia link…

But her screenplays for:

When Harry Met Sally…

Sleepless in Seattle…

You’ve Got Mail…

Julia & Julie…

Among many, many other accomplishments…

Will live on.

It was her appearance on Oprah’s show…

When she was plugging…

I Feel Bad About MY Neck….

A book of essays…

That I first connected with Nora.

Her kind of humor speaks to the heart of my writing.

If anyone ever asks me who my inspiration is…

It would be Nora.

(also Erma Bombeck & Jill Soloway)

Here’s one of her quotes about humor and her parents...

Who were also screenwriters.

“They believed that anything in life could be turned

Into a story. Which is really the first rule of humor. 

I don’t think you can get through almost anything 

without humor."

R.I.P Nora.
So?

Who is your inspiration for your writing?

Always, Em-Musing

A RAISIN IN THE PUN

When I finally get an agent and a publishing deal…

I’m going to hire a salesman to pitch my novel.

Why?

Because the genre and age of the readers of my book…

Might be a tough sell, or so an agent might think.

So, on my hunt for a salesman…

I’ll be specifically looking for a RAISIN salesman.

Don’t laugh.

And don’t think of the soft, plump juicy kind of raisins…

I’m talking about the kind of raisin...

That could be used as ammunition.

(here’s the backstory)

Dentist: What’d you break your tooth on, Leigh?

Me:   A raisin.

Dentist: Looks at me like I just fell off a grape harvester…

Me:  The kind of raisins in granola, I add.

Dentist:  Still looking at me strangely.

Me:  Ha, ha…just kidding.

But I wasn’t. And I’m still not.

Is it me? Or does every brand of granola…

Put the hardest, driest, no-tastingess raisins…

Into their product?

I can see it now…

A raisin factory has TONS of hard raisins…

That didn’t make the cut into breads and muffins…

The factory boss then goes to his sales team…

“Any ideas how to sell hard-as-pellet raisins?”

“No problem, says the sales team, we’ll find a way.”

An obviously they did and still do.

Because even here in Mexico…

The granola has those same pellet raisins.

Which makes me wonder…

What exactly was the salesmen’s ‘raisin’ pitch?

But more importantly…

How might the salesman…

Pitch my humorous women’s fiction novel?

Old dried up prune finds love…

Wrapped up with a younger granola bar.

Always, Em-Musing

TIES THAT SHOULDN'T BIND

Having an erotic moment…

With your grown daughter…

Is NOT appropriate…

But unfortunately it happened…

When my daughter and I discussed…

Fifty Shades of Grey…

She and I are both reading it now.

“So? What did you think when they first got together?”

And that room?”

“Um, well…hmm, uh yeah…let’s not go there.”

Unfortunately, both our minds went there…

Conjuring that scene in our heads.

Talk about an awkward moment…

Some topics are better off not being shared...

Between mother and daughter.

(at least for me)

But this thought I will share—with you…

I’m losing enthusiasm for Fifty Shades of Gey…

I expected more…

Like depth in character in Anastasia…

The main female character….

Her range of emotions can be summed up like this:

OMG! Eeee!

OMG! Squeeee!

OMG! Weeeeee!

OMG! OW! Eeeeeeee!!!!

Will I finish the book? Yeah…

But it’s taken its rightful place…

Where I keep my stash of quick reads…

In the loo.

So?

Do you stick with books…

Even though they disappoint?

And do you have loo reads?

Always, Em-Musing

SUMMER SOLSTICE

Tonight, at 6:09 P.M., Central time zone...

(at least here where I am in Mexico)

Is the summer solstice.

My good friend Donnala...

A Shamatic Sound Healer and Reiki Master...

Gives her perspective: 

The solstice is on the heals of the new moon this June.... it is the longest day of the year.... the time the sun makes its furthest reach north before turning to the south again.... or is it the earth that turns in this eternal dance? 

For me, it is a definitive time of cutting away the past.... cutting away all the negative frequencies that no longer serve....   all of the things that have brought you this far north in your life...  and focus totally and positively what you are birthing, bringing into creation. 

For me, it is making a commitment to the new future.... honoring the part in which we are each co creators of that future.... the future is not up to chance, nor the gods, nor the powers that be.... each of us has the ability to create our own future - within the realms of reason and within the realms of magic.... especially when we step out of our comfort zones. 

So what to do?  How to celebrate this day?  let go of all that has brought you to this point that no longer serves you... maybe identify those things by writing them down on a piece of paper and burn it, bury it or let it drown in the ocean, river lake or stream....   And then define, write down or draw a picture if the words are not enough to express what you need to express...  what your ideal future looks like, feels like, sounds like...  and dedicate yourself to your vision.  sound good?

You might want to keep the piece you have created for your new vision until the next solstice in the winter when the sun reaches its southernmost point.  That way you can refer back to it and let it help you keep on track....

So what are you doing this solstice night?

Or if you're reading this in the A.M...

Did you do anything special?

 

Always, Em-Musing

DREAMS OF MY BLATHER

Heaven …

Lately I’ve been thinking about it…

Not because I sense my own mortality…

But because I’ve been reading some books…

That delve into the concept of Heaven.

Well, I have my own thoughts and concerns…

One being: what’s the temperature there?

My idea of the perfect temp is 85 with humidity…

My sister’s is 75, no humidity…

So? Does Heaven accommodate both?

And If Hell is the opposite of Heaven…

And Hell is an inferno…

Then is Heaven frozen?

And I sure hope that Heaven isn’t a dreamlike state…

Because my dreams are like a Salvador Dali painting...
They don't make sense...

And I like the sense of this earthly realm…

I can count on the sun rising and setting everyday…

And there's order in this physical realm...
With no faceless people popping up out of nowhere…

To chase me!

And I hope there are no keypads with a code to enter…

Or there's a password to remember…

Because if there are, I'll probably forget them.

(Can I bring my little password book with me?)

And why do I even mention all this this morning?

Because I went to bed…

Wondering what I’d blog about today...

And this is what I woke up with in my head.

So maybe my dreams do have a function after all?

I just wish they came with a cheat sheet.

So?

Do you believe in Heaven?

And do your dreams work for you?

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I do have my own password for Heaven…

It's Jesus Christ

CIGARS? CIGARETTES? RITUAL?

A month or so ago…

Before the builder's crew came…

Before a roadway was put in…

I, along with a few friends, my sister, her husband...

My builder and his foreman and son...

Walked into the heart of my jungle…

With a local shaman (my friend, Donna).

There she burned copal resin incense...

Used in purification rituals.

Gifts were offered...

Tequila, cigarettes, cigars, sea glass & cacao beans...

For the alux...

Those mystical Mayan spirits who live in the jungle...

So they wouldn't become mischievous during building.

And then Donna asked for a blessing...

From the spirits of the four corners of the earth...

From Mother Earth and Father Air...

And of course God, creator of all.

Here are a few shots of the ceremony.

  
 






 

 And then of course... 

After the ceremony...

We smoked those Cuban cigars. 

 

 

Because smoking cigars is a ritual...
The women in my family 'The Baldwin Women' ...

Do whenever we get together.

So?

What kind of family rituals do you have?
And do you believe in mystical creatures?

Always, Em-Musing

DON'T BUTT ME

You know what I love about books?

Characters cannot butt into each other’s conversations.

And the reason I even say this is…

The other night I was channel surfing…

And came upon the show Monsters In-Laws.

Ugh!

Another screaming-meemy reality show.

Really?

Can anyone even hear what the other is screaming?

And me? I’ve been in conversations…

Where each person is so excited to speak…

They jump on the other person talking.

At least in printed dialog…

Each character gets to finish their sentences....

Before the next one can start...

Because if characters on printed pages could butt in..
You might get this:

“Wait! You can’t talk yet...

I haven’t even gotten to my period yet."

"Well your sentence is too long and boring."

"Well you use too many exclamation points."

"Do NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"And you’re dialog doesn’t sound like a real person."

"Yeah it DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah? You’re such a diphthong."

"Am NOT!!"

"OK, then you’re so disjunctive!"

"Shut your dialog up!"

"No you shut YOUR dialog up!"

Phew! I’m so glad Word…

Doesn’t have a ‘butting in’ function key.

Aren't you? 

And what about you?

How do you handle a Budinski?

Or ever watch a screaming-meemy reality show?

Always, Em-Musing

POST IT NOT

Blog posts ideas…

Where do they come from?

Mine? Usually just pop in my head…

Sometimes they’re about something going on in my life…

Sometimes they’re about what’s going on in the world…

Or sometimes they’re about the writing life.

This morning though…

My brain was dry—a vast desert of nada.

So I went on a search through Word...

Looking for a forgotten treasure…

But all I could found was this stinker:

New novel title: WAITING TO BELCH

OK, not a good title for a novel…

But ya know what?

I’ve been waiting to belch all of my life.

Seriously!

I’ve been plagued with a gas bubble...
Stuck in my chest for years.

Call it a hiatal hernia..

Call it indigestion…

Call it GERD…

Call it gastritis…

Call it acid reflux…

Call it whatever you want…

But now…

Call it GONE with the Wind…

(Just don’t ask which end)

Lord!

I shudder even thinking I wrote this.

What was I thinking? Or drinking?

Seriously, I’ve no clue where I was going with this…

Maybe to find room deodorizer?

Anyway…

What do you do when your blog posts run dry?

Have you ever embarrassed yourself by a blog post?

And what fires up your fodder?

Always, Em-Musing

HOW DEEP IS YOUR NEED?

The fabulous Elana Johnson...
Is hosting a 'Never Surrender' Blogfest.
Although I haven't signed up...
I like the theme...
And here's my post on 'Never Surrender'

Years ago…

When I was honing my skills as an actor…

I signed up for an acting class with Uta Hagen…

Renown Broadway actress and acting coach.

I, along with a fellow actress…

Had practiced a scene from Street Car Named Desire.

However, when we chose the scene…

We were unaware Uta won critical acclaim...
For her role as Blanche DuBois.

It wasn’t until the day before the workshop began…

When we found out.

“Are we nuts, Leigh? 
Playing Stella and Blanhce DuBois…

In front of the greatest woman to play Blanche DuBois?

No way! I’m not going to make a fool of myself.”

And so she baled.

And I was left with a choice: give up…

Or hustle and memorize a new monologue …

And then perform it in the next few days…

In a theater fifty miles away where I knew no one else…

No colleagues waiting in the wings…

To give me an ‘atta girl’, hugs, or a shoulder to cry on.

And to make the matter worse…

Two years earlier I’d performed in front of Uta…

And her harsh critique left me balling like a baby.

I did forge forward...
I used a monologue from Plaza Suite…

One that I was somewhat familiar with.

I then rehearsed, got props, wardrobe and went.

But it wasn’t the hundreds of dollars I shelled out…

Nor that I’m a sadist for punishment…

That made me overcome this outrageous situation…

(And believe me, I have stage fright baaad)

It was a need deep within to prove I could do it...
That I had talent.

I feel the same for writing and wanting to be published...

And this need runs deep.
What about you?

Do you have a need?
And how deep does it run?

Always, Em-Musing
P.S. Uta actually gave me a mostly positive critique of my performance.

PIQUED AND PICKED

And so it happened…

With a five hour layover in a lousy airport...

I bought into the hype…

Fifteen dollars and change worth of hype…

Couldn’t help it…

My curiosity got the better of me.
After hours of sitting and reading…

All my back issues of Writer’s Digest and RWA..

I had to get up and move.

And so I strolled…

Looking for a bar…

(of the protein kind)

And a new mag…

(of the architectural kind)

And there it was—a book...

Of the Fifty Shades of Grey kind...

So I picked it up.

What was I looking for?

The sex?

Oh yeah!

But also the first page…

Did it grab me? Engage me? Beg me to read more?

It did.

Is the writing exceptional?

I will make no judgments against another author…

Especially one that’s published. And successful.

But this I will say—I’m still reading it...

Because I like the story…

And I like reading about the kind of sex I don't have...

(nor want to).
But tell me. Does wanting a cheap thrill from a book…

Makes me a hussy of a reader?

And tell me…

Have you read it? If not, will you?

Or?
Are there books that give you a cheap thrill?

Always, Em-Musing

TAKE A LICK AT THIS

I’m back from the States…

And pooped!

I had a busy weekend with family and friends.

I wasn’t going to blog today but…

Candace is a follower of mine…

And has opened up a new business…

Words Like Candy...

And I thought you might want to check it out.

Always, Em-Musing

WHO, ME?

I’d like to thank Ilima Kahokuhealani Todd…. 

For this award.

To accept, I've got to write 

Seven things about me...

And pass it on to 5 unsuspecting bloggers.

So, here goes.

1)      When I was a kid, I’d sleep with the blankets 

    pulled up over my head in the summer because 

    I was afraid Dracula would come through my 

    screenless window and make me a vampire.

2)    Because I got caught chewing gum in class, 
  I had to memorize and recite the Declaration 
  of Independence. I memorized, but was too 
  shy to stand in front of the class so I took 
   a week long detention instead.

    3)  When I was a radio DJ, I accepted a gig to do 

         a bike run to the local orphanage. But I was 

         thinking bicycle bikes, not Harley’s. When I 

         showed up at the Harley Davidson store (that 

         should have been a clue), there were hundreds 

         of bikers all leathered up. They outfitted me up,

         chaps and all and away we went. Trust me,
         there's nothing like the smell of hundreds of 
         Harleys revving in the morning.

4)    The first three radio commercials I ever wrote 
     took Gold ADDY Awards. Radio spots are still 
     my favorite thing to write.

5)    I once took acting lessons from Uta Hagen, 
    grand dame of Broadway. I did well my first 
    monologue, but for the second one, she ripped 
    my performance to shreds. I was so hurt I 
    grabbed my props and took off. After a while, 
    I heard my friend ask,“Has anyone seen 
    Leigh?” A crowd of people then found me 
    balling like a baby in the attic of the 
    theater.Too bad I couldn’t act my way out 
    of that scene.

6)  I cry when I hear the Star Spangled Banner.

7)  I am a Christian.

Now, I'll pass this on to:
Shay Lacy 
Jenna Rutland
Constance Phillips
Jill Kemerer
Wendy Burke

Take it away ladies.
And speaking of away...
Leaving for the Sates again...
See you back mid-next week.

Always, Em-Musng