OH PURSEY, PURSEY HE

Hahahahahah!

Funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a long time…

There I was at a cute restaurant on the beach…

Waiting for my friend to show up…

When off a ways…

I see a man struggling.

Hahahahahaha!

With…

His purse!

OK, let me explain…

Here in Mexico…

Many men carry what I call, man bags…

Old men, young men, business men, workers.

And these aren’t computer bags or backpacks.

They’re always nice leather bags…

With a thick strap…

Or woven Mayan or Mexican bags...

Slung across their chests...

None are very big though.

So there this guy was…

And whatever he needed in his bag…

He couldn’t get it out…

And was in the complete throngs of frustration…

Pulling things out, throwing them on the ground.

Hahahahahaha!

Oh, I don’t know why that visual tickled me…

But it did.

So tell me...

Do you think man bags are manly?

My thoughts? 

Hmm? Let me think...

Oh wait...

I'm getting a visual...

Of a Scottish man...

Wearing a kilt...

With his sporran purse over his—YES!

I think man bags are very sex...ur...I mean manly.

And guys?

Have you ever carried a man bag? 

Or worn a kilt?

Always, Em-Mazing

BOO WHO?

I can’t believe I did it…

I used a technique while conducting business…

That if I used it in the States…

Every feminist would smack me on the head…

“We struggled hard to be taken seriously!” they’d say.

“And there you go and pull a stunt like this?”

But I’m not back in the States…

I’m in Mexico…

And American ways are not Mexican ways.

So here is my confession…

Twice recently...

When I felt like I was being taken advantage of…

Because I was being asked to pay more money…

For something I already paid for I...

CRIED!

Now mind you…

It was only after all means of reasoning failed…

But yes, me a grown woman boo hooed.

Oh it wasn’t sobbing or wailing…

I only quivered my lip, make a pouty face…

And produced a few tears.

And it worked!

“Good for you,” my friend Donna said.

“Now you’re understanding the Mexican way.

Mexican men can’t stand to see a woman cry.”

“It was phoney. I couldn’t believe I was doing it,” I said.

“But it worked, didn’t it?

“I haven’t used tears to get what I wanted...

Since the ‘70’s.”

“You’ll get used to it. Isn’t Mexico great?”

So?

What means have you stooped to, to get what you wanted?

Always, Em-Musing

THE WAITING GAME

There is something worse...

Than a rejection from an agent…

It’s when a friend requests to read your manuscript…”

And you say, “Are you sure? You’re so busy.”

And they say,“Of course I’m sure. I can’t wait to read it.”

So you send them an on-line copy…

Thinking they’ll read some of it that night.

The next day comes…

Nada.

You wait a week.

You want to call them up and ask:

Did you read it yet? Didya? Didya? Didya?

But you don’t ask.

You wait some more.

And wait. And wait. And wait.

And then finally you ask, “Did you read it yet?”

“Oh yeah. I read the first chapter.”

(how long were you going to make me wait to tell me?)

And then all you’re consumed with:

Well? Did you like it? Didya? Didya? Didya?

Truthfully?

Waiting for a response from an agent? Expected.

Waiting for a friend to respond? Excruciating!

From now on…

I’m not going to let friends or family…

Ever read any of my manuscripts again…

Because besides the waiting…

Will they even tell me the truth?

Or only what they think I want to hear?

Thoughts?

(please don't make me wait)

Always, Em-Musing

WARNING! DON'T IGNORE THE WARNING!

When will I learn?

When will I trust that ‘LITTLE VOICE’’?

You know the one…

The one that says in your head “DON’T DO IT.”

Well, I did it…

And now my iPhone 5 is dead. Drowned!

Rewind to Saturday.

I decided to go for a swim in my pool.

As I put the iPhone on a towel by the pool…

I heard that little voice say, “DON’T! YOU’LL FORGET ABOUT IT!”

And then I heard that little voice also say…

“BE CAREFUL. DON’T DO ANYTHING STUPID OR ELSE YOU COULD DROWN!”

Drown? My pool isn’t over my head. Don’t be silly.

Fast forward a half hour…

I get out of my pool...

Grab the towel when…

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

The iPhone…

Like a slo-mo visual…

Goes sailing into the pool!

I panicked, jumped back in, and did a nose dive.

Couldn’t reach it.

I dove deeper, determined to get it.

But I stayed under too long! 

GASP! GASP! GASP! GASP!

I finally had to retrieve the phone with my feet.

How long can an iPhone stay in water...

Before it's kaput?

After drying the phone with a dryer, compressed air…

It now sits in a bowl of rice. *sigh*

Maybe it will work again. Maybe not.

But one thing I will learn not to do again…

Ignore that ‘LITTLE VOICE.’

So? Do you ever hear your little voice?

What has it warned you about that you ignored?

Always, Em-Musing

I’ll catch up with everyone next week…

Off to the States to do taxes…

But more important…

Snuggles and kisses with my grandkids.

I SO need that.

Always, Em-Musing

GONE BATTY

There I was Saturday night…

Watching TV, getting over a cold when…

AHHHHHHHH!

A streaky swirl of blackness whizzed by me!

Lord!

It was a black blur…

A black cat pursuing a big black BAT BLURR!!!

AHHHHHHHH!

And then the big black bat…

Came right at me!

AHHHHHHHH!

And then...
Like the fanged bite from a vampire...
All my childhood fears of Dracula…

Oozed up in me again...

AHHHHHHHH!

And then…

The bat went somewhere…

Me?
I hightailed it into the bedroom…

Hoping the bat would somehow find its way out.
I forgot about it until Sunday night…

When…

AHHHHHHHH!
The bat was flying around again.

This time though…

I saw the bat go into the guest bedroom.

I hurried, slammed the door…

And decided to wait until Monday morning...

Where I spied it hanging upside down…

On the bottom of the guest bed.

I then got the pool net and caught the varmint.

I love my new kitty…

Who is a jungle kitty...

And very much a hunter...

And likes to bring me things...
But Indie p l e a s e...

Don’t bring me anymore presents. 

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I won't be posting for a while...

Heading back to the States to do my taxes.
AHHHHHHHH!

PRAYER ANSWERED? COINCIDENCE?

It took a life changing event…

To take the wind out of the sails of my writing…

It’s taken another event…

To write today.

The other night…

As I lay in my bed, solo now…

Listening to all the noises outside in the jungle…

And all the ‘house settling‘ noises…

I prayed for protection for me, my house and my land.

Funny how when I wasn’t alone, I heard nada…

But now that I am alone, I have ears like a deer.

So there I was sleeping…

When—huh!

Something was walking around my house!

Lord!

I got up…

Grabbed my bullhorn…

Yes, bullhorn because if there ever was an intruder…

I’d scare the crap out of him by blaring the siren…

(take THAT you mother@#$er^ you!)

After peeping out all doors and windows…

I saw nothing alarming.

And then I walked into my bedroom…

AAAHHHHHH!!!

My heart did a THUNK…

Because out on the patio…

Was a large breed beagle and a black cat…

Staring back at me into my dark bedroom.

After the three of us stared at each other a while…

The dog and cat touched noses…

And then the  dog left.

The cat? It stayed.

By morning it was still there…

And she followed outside to wherever I went in the house.

Finally, I took a shower when…

AAAHHHHHH!!!

The cat was now in the shower with me!

It had figured out how to open the screen door.

And there you have it, I mean, her…

I’ve named her Indie, short for India, short for India Ink.

So?
Was it mere coincidence these two showed up?
Did the dog bring the cat?
Is she an answer to my prayers?
What do you think?
For now…
This may be all the writing I can muster for a while.
Unless that is…
A jaguar or cougar show up on my porch…
And I’ll have to write about that too.

Always, Em-Musing