DEAR JOHN!

I am writing to inform you…

Our relationship lately has been strained…

I don’t trust…

That you care about my needs…

Therefore…

I am taking matters into my own hands…

And seeking out any government….

Organization, profit or non…

Or any entity in the universe…

Who wants to “take over” something…

Please! “Take over” BATHROOMS!

Standardize them!
Having traveled through parts of…

Europe, Asia and Mexico…

And used countless bathrooms, toilettes…

Śaucālaya, banos, H̄̂xngn̂ả, and W.C.’s…

Let me state for the record…

UGH! EEEWW! and PEEUUU!!!

(of course not all, especially Mexico's…they’re clean but tiny)

Each time I have to use a public bathroom…
It feels like I'm entering an altered state of… 
Bodily function consciousness…
My reality shifts and my senses cry out—WHY? 
So I've made a list of… 

MUST-DO’s for the LOO:

1) There will always be a toilet…

   With a seat…

   No hole in the ground!

   Toilets must flush!

2) Toilet paper in every stall…

   That comes off without clawing…

   And can be reached without gyrations or acrobatics!

3) Stalls that an adult from all countries can fit into!

4) Doors! That shut! Preferably with a lock!

5) Soap! lots and lots of soap!

6) Running water!

7) A way to dry hands besides room air! 

8) Industrial strength room deodorizers! 

9  And no unknown substances on the floor!

But until that time…

I will take matters in my own hands…

And always have handy…

A stash tissues…

A scarf to cover my nose, if need be…

And at the very least…

I will always… 

LOOK before I sit…

Because my butt, senses, and sanity…

Deserve it.
So? Anyone else out there share my angst?
Have anything to add to my list?
And guys? 
You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. 

Always,

Em-Musing

P.S. I love my family’s sense of humor.  My

cousin, Susan Kott, a photographer in Philly

actually has a book on bathrooms called, IN THE CAN.

It's a photographic journey of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

You can check it out here: 

www.blurb.com