IN TURN

My muse and I have been arguing this morning…
I'm trying to warn her!
About sticking my toe in…

Don’t do it!
The controversial waters of…

No!

The publishing industry.

I'm begging you!

Because I’m confused…

Better to stay confused than be a pariah!

And I need ask a few questions.

You’ve been warned!

Recently in The Huffington Post…

Any potential agent out there—please disregard her!

An agent wrote an article…

OK! She’s on her own! I’m outta here!

On rejection letters…

And how awful it feels…

Sending them out…

To the thousands of writers submitting to him each year…

And why in the future, he may not send them out.

So here’s my question/suggestion…

What about hiring an intern to send out these rejections?

I believe interns are free because they earn credit hours.

I’d bet there’d be a line out the door and down the street…

Of students eager to work in an agent’s office.

And their job could be as simple as…

Taking the stack of query “rejects” …

And sending the form rejection letter in the SASE.

(because very few agents give a personal reply)

Or the intern can hit an auto “rejection” reply…

To respond to the email queries.

Badda boom, badda bing!

See? I think this is a great solution.
Especially since I’ve heard agents don’t even read the queries…

That an assistant reads them first.

So, dear kind, considerate agent, think of it like this…

You have a lump (God forbid!)…

You go to the doctor…

A biopsy is done…

And now you’re waiting for the results.

And you wait…

And you wait…

And you wait!

You're going out of your mind to know!
Trust me…
It's far better to know if the lump is benign or malignant…

Rather than to hear nothing at all?

So dear, gentle agent…

While sending rejections is difficult…
We writers are far better off knowing…
Rather than hearing nothing nothing at all.
Think of it this way…
Rejecting someone's query…
Isn't as bad as…
Telling someone they're…
Well, you get the picture.
So, am I bad for making this point…
And speaking for the thousands of writers…
Who wait?

Always, Em-Musing
P.S. And if I am? Mea culpa!

TRY ME

Lately…

I’ve been visiting someone in the hospital…

After seeing all the “stuff”…

I know I could never be a nurse…

Or an aide…

Let alone a doctor…

(too many potentially fatal decisions)

And it’s not because of all the blood…

Or the body’s yuck and gore…

And not even the many, many odors…

No, it’s all the…

Maneuvering!

Around all the “stuff”…

In tiny, cramped spaces…

With people and chairs…

And equipment everywhere!

I’m not claustrophobic…

But I like to move feely.

I couldn’t tolerate…

Side-stepping…

Shuffling…

Inching…

Twisting…

Turning…

And bending…

Continuously…

For eight to twelve hours a day!

I’d go crazy!

And then there’re all the little packages of pills…

That have to opened.

I don’t have the patience to open one Aleve sinus pill…

In it’s adult-proof foil/plastic packaging…

Because by the time I’ve gotten the pill out…

I not only have a sinus headache…

But a raging  tension headache!

So I can’t imagine trying to get pills out of packages…

All day long for anyone else but me…

And especially…

While wearing latex gloves!

No, working in a hospital definitely takes a skill that I don’t have…

Patience!

But wait!

Haven’t I been waiting patiently to get published?

Why, yes I have.

For years!

Hmm?

So maybe when it comes to careers…

We not only have to pick one that gives us joy…

But doesn’t try our patience.

Always Em-Musing

MI BUSY SU BUSY

"Ugh! I'm so busy!”

Please!

If you ever hear me say this again…

SLAP ME!

Is it just me?

Or is this all people are saying lately?

Is “I’m so busy,” the collective whine of the universe?

I don’t mean to be mean spirited…

But come on!

Everyone is busy!

In their own busy way.

My busy may not be your busy…

And my busy may not seem that busy to you…

And my busy may not seem as important as your busy…

But my busy is enough to make me feel well…

Crazy busy!

But being busy…

Isn't an excuse…

Because we're ALL busy.

I just hope and pray…

That all this "I'm so busy" mantra…

Isn't going to manipulate the energy of the universe…

As theorized in The Secret…

And when we get to the “other side”…

That whoever or whatever is there…

Won't be too busy…

For us.

Always, Em-Musing

LOST IN SPACE

There is a black hole in the universe…

And it’s my desk!

I swear!

I’ve been sitting here for three hours…

Making out bills…

And paid all but one…

(of course it’s the one that’s late)

(Really late)

And now it’s gone!

I have not moved!

Not one inch!

But somehow this bill found its way…

Into that black hole.

Because I have looked everywhere!

Garbage…

Stacks and piles…

Floor…

Printer…

Laptop …

Even under my butt!

But it’s…

GONE!

I just know one day…

I’ll be on the “other side”…

And see this black hole…

Filled with missing: bills, business cards,

appointment cards, a few checks, a few

rejection letters, a winning lottery ticket…

And I’ll shout,, “Ah HAH!  I knew it!…

There really is a black hole.”

Now…

How do I delicately explain this discovery…

To NASA?

Always, Em-Musing

CLOWNING AROUND

When I was younger…

Much younger…

I loved cowboys…

Particularly Clint Eastwood in Rawhide.

Then I grew up…

And over wanting a cowboy.

But then just the other day…

I was clicking through the TV channels…

And came upon bull riding…

And all those brave cowboys…

Trying to hang on to a raging bull.

And then it dawned on me…

Cowboys? Brave?

All they’re doing is hanging on.

It’s the clowns that are brave.

They’re the ones…

Every time a cowboy is bucked off a bull…

They put their life on the line…

Running interference…

Trying to divert the bull’s attention…

Potentially getting gored and trampled on…

Just to protect the cowboy.

That’s bravery!

And that’s when I realized…

I need a clown!

Not a circus clown…

But one of these rodeo clowns…

To run interference…

In my life!

So when my emotions get bucked off…

(Like recently getting more rejection letters from agents)

Or sad circumstances stampede my way…

(Someone's illness)

I need a clown to run interference…

Divert all the bull that life tramples me with…

And save me.

So Judy…

Go ahead…

It's time…

To send in a clown…

Now!

Always, Em-Musing

ISN'T IT RICH?

Sometimes…

When I’m asked what I do…

And I answer that I’m a writer…

It’s like opening a can of wormy questions…

“Are you published.”

“Are your books in Borders? Barnes & Noble?”

“Have you made a lot of money?”
Yada, yada, yada.

Yesterday…

In front of a small house…

I saw this sign: CLOWNS FOR HIRE.

Ever since Pennywise…

That creepy clown from Stephen King’s novel, IT…

I’ve been leery of clowns…

And sewer grates.

But I got to wondering about these clowns.

What do they look like?

How many are there?

Are they all jammed up in the tiny house…

Like clowns in a circus Volkswagen?

But even more curious to me…

Can one make a living as a clown?

Curious, I looked in the Yellow Pages.

DUDE!

There’re eight listings for clowns.

Tip-Top the clown…

Ginger Bell the clown…

Cookie the clown…

Daisy Blue the clown…

Yuk Yuk the clown…

Happy the clown…

Homer the clown…

And the Abracadabra Clowns featuring Calico.

Wow!

Obviously clowning is a profitable business.

And obviously more profitable than me writing novels so far.

But still…

When asked, "What do you do?"

I much rather say I'm a writer…

Rather than…

I'm a clown. 

And since thinking about clowns…

I keep hearing Judy Collins singing, Send in the Clowns.

But, Judy!

Don't bother…
They’re already here.

Always, Em-Musing

PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

While watching Sex in the City 2 the other night…

I was analyzing Carrie’s wardrobe.

She had 41 changes!

Don’t gasp…

Sometimes I can do that in one night…

Trying to figure out what to wear to a party.

But you got to give it to Carrie.

She’s got style.

And style is something I’m still trying to hone.

Onetime, when I was in New Orleans…

I bought a Panama hat…

And wore it for 3 days.

Loved how I felt wearing that hat!

When I came back home…

And put it on…

I felt like I was one performer shy of a theme party.

Inevitably the Panama hat…

Found its place…

Up in a closet…

Next to my floppy felt hippy hat.

(don’t ask)

And just the other day…

I put on a beautifully embroidered blouse from Mexico…

And went to a nursery to buy flowers for my patio.

While wearing it in Mexico…

I felt fabulous!

Here at home?

I felt like one performer shy of a fiesta with a mariachi band.

Carrie Bradshaw, on the other hand…

Wears whatever she wants…

Whenever she wants to.

She has her own unique style.

While I don’t quite pull off my own unique style…

In the wardrobe department…

(Because my unique clothes feel more like costumes)

I realized I do have my own writing style…

My own “fabric”…

Thoughts and feelings…

Woven with short, punchy sentences and phrases…

And accessorized with bastardized punctuation.

(at least in my blog)

In my novels, the sentences are longer…

With correct punctuation…

But still with my own, honed style.

I just hope people enjoy mine…

As much as I enjoy Carrie’s.

Always, Em-Musing

PRIVATE EM

Memorial Day…

To honor those who have died in our nation’s service.

I didn’t do anything in particular to honor them yesterday…

Other than to watch TV coverage of services…

But each and every day…

I am grateful for those who gave their life…

To defend our country and preserve our freedom.

I’ve often wondered if I could have ever made it in the military.

The answer is no.

While I am patriotic…

(I boo hoo every time I hear the national anthem)

I always knew I didn’t have the stick-to-it-iveness…

To get through boot camp.

I’d want out within a week.

I don’t have the upper body strength to do the obstacle course…

I’m not mechanically inclined…

So when it came time for me to disassemble my weapon…

And clean it…

I wouldn’t be able to put it back together…

And most of all…

I like my privacy…

In all aspects of my life…

Particularly in the head/latrine.

I’m not making light of military service…

But I have always known my weaknesses…

And that’s why I appreciate…

And am thankful for those brave God-fearing folks…

Who unselfishly gave years of their life.

While I don’t have any relatives who died in service…

I do have family and friends who have served in the military courageously…

And I honor them:.

Harold W. Baldwin – WWII  Army – Father

LeRoy Baldwin – WWII  Army – Uncle

William Baldwin  – WWII  Army – Uncle

Jennifer Kurek-Resnik  – Navy  – Daughter

Michael Kurek – Vietnam  - Marines – My daughters’ father

LeRoy Baldwin – Navy  &, Air Force – Cousin

Chris Hamer – Army – Stepson

Graham Vernon – Army – Brother-in-law

Bob Ingram – Navy – Brother-in-law

Harvey Fischer – Army – Brother-in-law

David Craig – Navy Seal – Family Friend

Always, Em-Musing

WAIT A MINUTIA

Details!

The bane of writers.

Making sure everything is correct.

Otherwise your editor will really let you have i!.

That’s why it’s hard to sit through a movie…

And not notice details.

This week I saw both Robin Hood and Sex in the City 2.

Enjoyed Robin Hood.

Loved Sex in the City2!

What can I say?

I’m a Sex in the City kind of gal.

But in both movies…

There were things that made me go, hmm?

Like continuity issues in Robin Hood…

Now you see curls in King Richard The Lionheart’s hair…

Now you don’t.

Now the trees have leaves…

Now they don't.

And then in Sex in the City 2…

I got caught in the glam details…

The clothes…

The sets and location…

And whose forehead had the most Botox.

But mostly I got caught up in the camera lens.

In both movies everyone looked like stick people.

Even the horses.

Why I don’t know if the huts in Robin Hood were made of wattle and daub…

I do know the size of Carrie’s calves.

And yes, Sarah Jessica Parker has thin calves…

But not that thin.

(Hey! Can someone use that lens on me?)

Ah,

I often long for times past…

When I could go to a movie…

Transcend reality for a couple of hours…

And not get caught up in minutia.

Always, Em-Musing

AWW-THENTIC

Aww...

Hometown girl…

Crystal Bowersox…

Didn’t win American Idol 2010 last night.

Her future though is bright none-the-less.

And you got to give the girl her due…

And her do (hair)…

She kept it all real…

Kept her own style…

And she kept her composure.

She took rejection up on stage in front of 7,000 + fans…

And 20 million TV viewers…

And didn’t cry.

In fact, she looked radiant.

At 24 she’s got more self-control than I do at my age.

Yes, I admit…

I’ve shed a few tears when I got a rejection letter.

And last night…

At another live performance…

I shed a few more.

My 5-year-old grandson was on stage for the kindergarten recital.

He and all the other kids sang little hearts out…

Performing patriotic songs…

And grandma got teary.

Well, what can I say?

Later, I went to bed thinking about performing…

Or whatever you do…

That you got to do it with all your heart …

Keep it real…

And be true to yourself…

With your own style.

I guess when it comes to my writing…

I feel I am keeping it real, with my style and voice.

And it may take awhile to find that agent …

Who absolutely loves and sees potential…

In my stories …

But I know eventually I will.

Always, 

Em-Musing