It’s why you need a traveling companion . . .
And should never travel alone.
It’s why you must always check yourself in the mirror.
And it’s why I will never be that cool person I sometimes think I am.
Last week . . .
In the Detroit airport . . .
The boarding for my flight to Miami had just begun but . . .
I had to pee . . .
Raced to the lady’s room . . .
Came back and took my place among the crowd waiting to board.
I felt good.
Because I was wearing my new top.
Shades of blue, turquoise and green.
It made me feel cool . . .
And dare I say, a bit sexy.
“Uh, ma’am,” a man said as he tapped me on the shoulder.
I spun around wondering what he could possible want.
“Uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you have toilet paper sticking out of your pants.
My face flushed crimson with humiliation.
Yanking the toilet paper out (Thank GOD there was nothing on it) . . .
I slinked over to the trash container ranting in my head . . .
Toilet paper sticking out of my pants?
OH CLICHÉ! CLICHÉ!
I’m nothing but a cliché!
And a yucky cliché at that.
I skulked back to my “spot” in the crowd waiting to hear my "zone" being announced to board, trying not to see if anyone was sniggering at me.
Finally, my zone was called and I boarded.
I walked down the aisle to row 26 with my head down a bit.
Was it my imagination?
Were all the people staring at me?
Did they recognize me at the “Toilet Paper Lady?”
Or were they now noticing my beautiful new top?
A few men even grinned.
Feeling cool in my new top again, I smiled back.
As I sat down and buckled my seat belt, the vision of me with toilet paper sticking out of my waistband was fading fast.
Just then, I had an incessant itch on my nose.
I felt a booger!
A BIG BOOGER!
Poking out of my nose!
I jammed my hand in my purse a retrieved a tissue and . . .
A big, BLOODY booger!
(Because my apartment is so dry, I had a slight nosebleed during the night)
OK, universe . . .
I get it now!
Never, never, NEVER . . .
Am I to walk around on this earth . . .
Thinking I’m cool