ELECTRONIC DYSFUNTION

OK . . .

I wasn’t going to mention this at all . . .

Because it sounds crazy . . .

But I think there are electronic imps in my office.

Really!

Because every time I want to print something important . . .

(Not that all the dozens of copies of various versions of my query letter aren’t important)

But print something that I actually have to mail or bring 

with me somewhere . . .

My printer goes into crazy mode!  

Like when I needed to send something for a submission to a literary contest a month ago.

Of course I waited till the last possible day.

And of course, my printer jammed up . . .

And then printed strange patterns on my paper.

And then again yesterday, all I wanted to do was print a marketing plan that I had developed for a friend.

All I needed to do was print and I was ready to go out the door.

I hit print.

Nothing.

I hit it again.

Again nothing.

I checked all plugs and connections.

Everything was plugged and connected.

I turned the printer off than on again.

Nothing

Then I went go into the "control panel" of my laptop . . .

Found where my printer was located . . .  

Look at the properties . . .

And notice that the printer was “offline.”

Hmm?

Who turned it offline? The electronic imp? Because it wasn’t me.

See what I mean? 

After several attempts, I get it “online” again.

And hit print.

Nothing.

I hit it again.

Still nothing.

I go back into the control panel and look around.

OK! There’s the problem. I have 5 documents in queue.

No problem, I’ll just cancel all the documents that were waiting to be printed.

And they cancelled.

All except one. It wouldn’t un-queue.

It hit “delete” at least twenty times . . .

Three different ways!

Nothing.

Now I’m late for my appointment.

So I leave, sans marketing plan.

(Of course I could have copied the marketing plan and emailed it my friend, but I was so frazzled I hadn't thought of it.

Several hours later, I’m back.

Damn it!

The document was still deleting? Really?

So I tried “control, alt, deleting” it.”

Nothing

OK, I’ll restart the computer.

Nothing.

Fine then! I’ll just turn the damn computer off.

Nothing.

Damn it! My laptop was locked-up!

Finally, 8:30 P.M. I talked with my daughter who told me to take out the battery.

I did, though I’m always a chicken when it comes to monkeying around with the back of my laptop.

And then this morning . . .

I hit on, the laptop booted up . . .

YES!

I’m back on!

I have no idea where the electronic imp went during the night . . .

But I’m glad it’s gone and  . . .

Well . . .

I haven’t hit print yet to see if . . .

Wait . . .

I think . . .

YES!

My latest version of my query is printing!

Now all I have to do is . . .

Put an agent's name on it and . . .

Send it!

Always, Em-Musing