Friday, August 26, 2011

SCREW OFF!


I’m tired of opening things!
It finally dawned on me this morning…
When I tried to open an Aleve pill package.
When my fingers couldn’t open it…
I resorted to a knife…
But the knife slipped across the package and…
WRITER IMPALED TRYING TO GET RID OF HEADACHE.
 And yesterday I bought wrinkle cream…
WRITER GASHES FINGER TRYING TO OPEN PLASTIC PACKAGING 
And just the other day…
WRITER GOES CRAZY TRYING TO PULL APART CHIP BAG
A hundred years ago…
Life was simpler…
The only things I would have to open…
Would be a door…
Or a jar.
Now there are thousands of confounding new things to open…
And all open differently.
I’m tired of trying to find tools—like wire cutters…
To open packages when a scissor or knife won’t work.
I think there ought to be a law…
That standardizes how things open…
There would be only three ways:
Pulling apart, screwing off, or lifting off.
And the packages or product lids would all be tested…
By little old ladies with arthritis.
If they can’t open it…
Redesign!
Am I the only writer…
Or person…
Who’s finding it hard to open new packaging?

Always, Em-Musing
P.S. I don't have arthritis

5 comments:

Isis Rushdan said...

You're not alone. Nearly sliced off my thumb trying to get the wrapper off my vitamins.

Michelle Kott said...

LOL!!! So true!

Patrice Kavanaugh said...

Agree, agree. Next, we'll be seeing "Warning" instructions on packages that caution against hurting yourself while trying to open!

Talli Roland said...

Gosh! Try to keep yourself from harm. I'm the worst with cutting things.

Jennifer Shirk said...

I know! They need to sell a special gadget for those pill-off packages! And I don't have arthritis either.