Thursday, July 18, 2013

WRITE OF PASSAGE

I’m so thankful…
For eyes scans…
And fingerprinting.
Why you may ask?
Because of crazy signatures…
My crazy signature to be exact.
Let me explain…
You see in the last few days…
I had to go to…
Immigration, Hacienda (the federal tax office)
Telcel, (Mexico’s version of Verizon), and the bank.
I must have signed my name at least fifty times.
Not kidding.
And just so you know about signatures here in Mexico
You have to sign them exactly the same every time!
“What happens if I don’t,” I once asked my accountant.”
“I don’t know. Just don’t push your luck.”
But I ask you…
Whose signature looks the same every day?
And now I’m afraid…
That if I’m involved in ‘some’ kind of scenario…
Where my signature is being scrutinized…
It would go something like this:
“You say you’re Leigh Caron? We don’t believe you.”
“Why?”
“You have more than a dozen different signatures.”
I look at them. I laugh. (not wise at a government office)
“They look the same to me,” I said.
“In this one,” the stern official is pointing…
“You mixed cursive and printing.”
“Oh, sure did. I might have had too much coffee.”
“And this one was scribbled all over the page.”
“Oh yeah, I remember, I was feeling sick.”
And that one? I think I had a margarita at lunch.
Let’s see, those other ones?
Maybe I was thinking about my manuscript? A new story?”
“That’s it! She’s a fraud! Take her away!!”
“But, but…but!”
So? See what I mean?
If this happens…
All I have to do is tell them, “Scan me, print me”…
Because unlike my signature…
That changes on a whim…
My eyes and fingers are locked in my body.
So?
Ever been eye-scanned? Fingerprinted?
And is your signature 100% the same all the time?
Have a great weekend…
I’ll catch up with you next week…
I’m off to see the flamingoes at Rio Lagartos.

Always, Em-Musing

9 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Your signature must be the same every time? I don't think I've ever had two look alike.

Misha Gericke said...

No one can make the exact same signature every time. Small differences are actually how people can verify that something was signed by hand.

So I wouldn't really worry. Just don't go making drastic changes. ;-)

A Beer For The Shower said...

And here I like to have fun by seeing what the Wal-mart cashiers will accept. The answer: everything. Sometimes I sign a smiley face, sometimes I sign something like Norbert Poindexter, sometimes I just draw a shark, etc. It's amazing how no one gives a damn about your signature here.

Arlee Bird said...

My signature is a joke. It's a random scribble where no two are ever alike. Maybe I should have been a doctor.

Lee

EC Stilson said...

I always sign my husband's name at the bank. Once he actually signed his named--they questioned him like crazy LOL!

Lubaina E. said...

Hahahhaha. I loved this post! :D

My signatures look different each time too..

Madeline Jane said...

Haha, that's crazy! My signature looks different all the time, too. Sometimes I'll throw my middle name in there, sometimes just the initial, and some days I leave it out completely. They'd really have a problem with me. ;)

Michael Offutt, Kaiju Smack Down Artist said...

My co-worker is a quadriplegic and he relies upon a scanned signature that he created using a pen in his mouth.

farawayeyes said...

Eye Scans and fingerprints, Holy Carp! Don't do it.