AIRBOURNE

Cough

cough

Cough, cough cough

COUGH!

Cough!

Ah, ah, ah CHOO!

Oh, for heaven’s sake!

“Cover your mouth!”

That’s what I wanted to say to all those people on my flight from LA to Detroit.

But I didn’t dare say anything for fear the flight attendant would think I was a nutcase and have me taken away when I arrived at my destination.

cough

Cough, cough cough

COUGH!

Cough!

Ah! Ah! CHOO!

And Lord!

This was only the first few minutes up in the air!                        

Really!

Why weren’t these adults catching their germs so I wouldn’t catch their germs?

My grandkids know the right thing to do.

“Grandma, when you sneeze or cough, you’re supposed to use a tissue, a hanky, or cough into your arm.”

“Where’d you learn that?”

“In school. And we’re supposed to hand sanitizer whenever we can.”

As I wrapped my neck scarf around my face, hunkered down into the plane seat, scolding myself for not bringing my facemask, I watched the flight attendant explain about the seat belt, the flotation device and the air mask that drops down when the air pressure plummets.

And that’s when I thought of another great safety feature.

cough

A helmet comes down  . . .

cough, cough cough

And covers the cougher’s face . . .

COUGH!

Sucks up all the infected spittle . . .

Cough!

And then spray sanitizer all over their face . . .

Ah! Ah! CHOO!

And all their germs would be caught in the helmet!

OK, a bit extreme, I know.

But why not this?

The flight attendant wheels the beverage and snack cart around and offers, “Water, coffee, hand sanitizer?”

Or how about this?

The pilot would get on the intercom and say, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’re experiencing a lot of coughing and sneezing. There’s a facemask located in front of you where the magazines are. Please put it on for the rest of the flight.”

Now that’s what I call a safe flight.

Always, Em-Musing

P.S. I’d like to coldcock the idiot on the plane whose germs gave me my cold or bronchitis. I don’t know what I have, but something hurts in my chest when I cough. Not fair, damn it!